Most people who write about ‘sex for beginners‘ or who teach sex education classes start out by trying to put youngsters off sex. I’m different. I believe great sex is the greatest thing on the planet and I want everyone to be able to enjoy it without inhibition or guilt. Don’t let anybody tell you that sex is a sin or something to be ashamed of. Great sex is beautiful. When you have great sex with another person, and assuming you’re both skilful enough, you’ll help one another experience a state of supreme ecstasy. Nothing else on the planet – and I’ve tried a lot of things – compares with it.
Sex For Beginners
I’ve decided to add a ‘Sex For Beginners‘ section to my website because after talking to a group of teenagers recently I was surprised by many of their questions. They just weren’t the kinds of things I was expecting, nor the kinds of things I would have written about. So I’d like you ‘beginners’ to send me your questions and I’ll answer as many as I can in my blogs. That way, I’ll be writing about the things you want to know, rather than the things I think you ought to know.
One of the things we discussed was the ‘purity ring‘. There were two points I made:
- · A ‘purity ring’ should not be instead of sex education, as many parents seem to wish. The evidence is that many young women do eventually have sex despite their ‘purity rings’ and that a proportion of them do become pregnant or contract STDs. So it should be ‘purity ring’ and sex education. In any event, young women who defer sex until after marriage still need sex education.
- · My other point is that I’m against the name ‘purity ring’. Calling it the ‘purity ring’ suggests that to refrain from sex is ‘pure’ and that to have sex is ‘impure’. That’s very wrong. It can take years to overcome the inhibitions caused by that kind of teaching and some people never ever manage it. Contrast that sort of thinking with Tantra, which teaches that, far from being in opposition to spirituality, sex can be a path to enlightenment. If you’d like to know more about Tantric Sex, click on the button.
So why not just call it the ‘deferment ring’ or the ‘not until married’ ring? Other suggestions, please.
Is Sex Better When You’ve Both Had A Few Drinks?
Is Sex Better When You’ve Both Had a Few Drinks? That’s the subject of my latest poll. So I’d appreciate it if you’d click either ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ on the left-hand side of the website. It’s quite anonymous. I’d be very interested to know what you think and if you want to expand on your thoughts please use the Comments box.
Children Should Be Taught Tantric Sex
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On the Today programme last week, Sarah Montague was asking what parents should say when children see images of women ‘not wearing many clothes’. This issue of the sexualisation of children has been in the media quite a bit recently. We don’t yet know what impact online pornography will have on the adult sexuality of today’s youngsters, but we do know the impact of negative attitudes to the body and sex. That’s what I want to talk about in this blog.
Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about the body or there’s not. Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about a penis or a vulva or there’s not. Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about sex or there’s not. If there’s not, why do so many parents convey disapproval to their children? This is real damage and it takes years to undo. Some adults never ever manage to throw off their inhibitions.
Sex Is Better Than Commuting
As I was blogging in the Writer’s Life section, I once had to drive 90 minutes to get to work in the morning and 90 minutes to get home again. That was pretty extreme but a lot of people accept two hours of commuting per day as normal. Boomers have mostly given that up, either by downsizing or retiring. If you and your partner are Boomers who no longer have to rush out of the house every weekday morning I suggest you use the time to have sex.
In the first place, the morning is a pretty good time for the older man. It’s when testosterone levels are at their highest. Secondly, in summer in a country like Spain, it’s when the bedroom is at its coolest. Thirdly, it’s a time when you’re unlikely to be disturbed. So you can get into a nice dependable routine. Have cups of tea or coffee in bed, freshen up, and get at it.
Some people object to the idea of sex as a routine. But that doesn’t mean the sex itself has to be routine. It can be as varied as you like. Rather, it just means you both assume you will have daily sex, in the same way that you eat every day. And just as most meals, however enjoyable, follow the standard recipes, and a few are particularly special, with lots of courses and unusual sensations, so it can be with sex.
You used to commute every day, squashed up against people you never even knew. What’s to complain about in being squashed up against someone you love every morning?
Make Your Own (Tantric) Sex Film
Heard Victoria Coren on the radio the other day. The daughter of the late humorist Alan Coren, her two claims to fame are that she’s a top poker player (about which she wrote a book called For Richer, For Poorer) and, secondly, that she and Charlie Skelton once tried to make a porn film (about which she wrote a book, together with Charlie, called Once More With Feeling). So I ordered a copy of Once More With Feeling via Amazon, it arrived very quickly, and I’ve just finished reading it.
It’s quite funny but I was more interested in the serious bits, such as the interviews with American porn people and the practical problems of actually making a porn film. Most fascinating of all was the realisation that what Victoria and Charlie thought was arousing was, generally, quite different to what I think is arousing.
That set me thinking about making my own porn film. Not something for public consumption but just for my partner and I. Well, more for me, probably, but starring the two of us. Nowadays, with these little digital video cameras it’s so easy.
One scenario I quite like is setting off for a lake not far away. It’s hot. We exchange meaningful glances. We strip naked and swim to the far side which is fairly inaccessible. There we exchange more meaningful glances. We find a secluded spot among the trees on a little rise overlooking the lake and there we have Tantric Sex. (Tantric Sex is really wonderful out of doors in a beautiful place, day or night.)
By the way, if you’re not sure how to go about things when you haven’t got a comfortable bed or sofa you’ll find some great out-of-doors positions in my books Get Intimate With Tantric Sex and  Have Great Sex (both published by Teach Yourself).
I’ll let you know how the filming progresses. Meanwhile, maybe you’d like to share your own scenarios with us by using the Comments box or sending me an email. Let us know what would turn you on. Just a brief outline. Maximum 60 words, please. You can be anonymous, if you wish, but I’ll be giving a free copy of my book Kama Sutra to the scriptwriter whom I consider the best – and who was bold enough to supply a name and email/snail mail address.
Tantric Sex – Fact And Fiction
A great deal of fiction nowadays surrounds Tantric sex. The problem is that Tantra was not founded by any single person and has never had any sort of ruling body to define its beliefs, so its teachings have varied from century to century, place to place, and guru to guru. Quite frankly, there are lots of self-proclaimed Tantric gurus out there writing books and running courses that have little or nothing to do with the real thing. If you go on such a course you may have a great time and learn new things. That’s fine. But authentic Tantric sex is a lot more than staring into eyes and lighting incense.
What makes Tantric sex different is not its range of physical sexual techniques (potent though they are) but its range of psychological techniques and the intention behind the sex. The prolonged state of excitement which Tantric sex is capable of creating is only a beginning. It’s aim is the attainment of a quite extraordinary state of mind known as ananda or bliss.
Happiness In The Face Of Criticism
This morning I was checking my books on Amazon and noticed that How To Be Happier was by far the most reviewed, with 28 entries. So that has to tell me something. Most of the reviews were favourable, some of them extremely so, but I also seem to have reduced a couple of people to a state of near apoplexy. Far from being happier they were utterly enraged. And it’s quite instructive to look at why.
One criticism was that my book contained much the same advice as other books on happiness. Now, few people could be buying more ‘how to’ books than me. I have books on how to ski, snowboard, climb, ride, surf, dive, sail, have sex (two shelves) and all kinds of other things. And you know what? All the books on, say, snowboarding, give me the same advice. So far, not one of the books has suggested I should strap the board to my head rather than my feet. I find it reassuring that all the experts are agreed on that point.
Fit For Sex
My little erection problem the other day (see Women On Top in the Writer’s Life section) has made me reflect on the importance of keeping in good shape for sex. It’s a sad thing, in a way, that how much you enjoy sex depends not on what your partner does to you but on what you’ve been doing to yourself.
If you’ve not looked after yourself then you’re going to find it difficult to reach the outer limits of ecstasy. Just as Daniel Barenboim can’t play a Beethoven sonata on a piano that’s out of tune, so your partner won’t be able to ‘play you’ if you don’t keep your body tuned up.
Fortunately, there are always things you can do to give your body a better chance. Exercise is one of them. In a Gallup survey 45% of respondents said their sex lives improved when they began exercising.
That’s hardly surprising. The tiny blood vessels in your genitals are easily blocked by fatty deposits. Exercise is one way of helping to keep the blood flowing strongly. Another is to keep down the level of saturated fats in your meals. Men should also keep in mind that a paunch is a kind of anti-sex factory, causing a rise in oestrogen, the ‘female’ hormone, and a fall in testosterone, the ‘male’ hormone.
As little as 20-minutes of vigorous exercise three times a week could be all it takes to make the difference between so-so-sex and super-sex.
Obsession, Sex And Surfing
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People sometimes tell me that I’m ‘obsessed’ by sex. It’s always meant as a criticism. Well, I’ve been thinking about this word ‘obsessed’ and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s the right way to be.
I see my greatest fault as never having being obsessed enough with certain things. If you’re not obsessed, you’ll never be really good. So I intend to put that right. Yesterday I finished the book on dating and as a reward I’ve decided to spend a couple of days being totally obsessed by s…s…surfing.
Gods And Goddesses
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With all the obsession about princes and princesses or duchesses or whatever I thought I’d blog about something far more interesting – gods and goddesses. In Tantric sex every woman is a goddess and every man is a god. Why? Well, traditionally, there were several reasons. The first one stems from the idea that the universe was created by Brahman. Since there was nothing else but Brahman then, logically, Brahman must have created the universe out of Himself. In other words, the universe and everything in it is Brahman. You are Brahman. Your partner is Brahman.
Another strand of thought is that Brahman was lonely and so split into two, creating a goddess and a god (known as Shakti and Shiva in the Hindu tradition). It’s their lovemaking that created and sustains the visible universe. Again, logic dictates that every woman must be Shakti and every man Shiva. The end of lovemaking means the end of the universe so, please, don’t stop.
Yet another idea is that women become inhabited by goddesses or yogini during ceremonial Tantric sex. Probably men were startled by the way women become ‘possessed’ during orgasm and so concluded that something magical was going on. They believed they were, in effect, having sex with the yogini who temporarily took over the women’s bodies.
Whatever you make of all that, there’s no denying that sex becomes something very special when you treat your partner as a god or goddess. Exactly how that’s done in Tantric sex is something I’ll explain in another blog. Meanwhile I suggest you treat your partner as divine at all times, not just during sex. That will be tremendous for your entire relationship
Thanks For The Dating Tips
Thanks to everyone who sent in dating ideas – copies of my Kama Sutra are on their way. I spent the Easter holiday incorporating the suggestions into the new book. I couldn’t use everything so I thought I’d share with you here a couple that were left out.
Scarlet emailed to say that when she’s out for the evening she’ll anounce to a group of men that she needs someone to look after her Pill for her and remind her when it’s time to take it. The result is a sort of feeding frenzy as the guys jostle to be the chosen one. She says it never fails.