Most people who write about ‘sex for beginners‘ or who teach sex education classes start out by trying to put youngsters off sex. I’m different. I believe great sex is the greatest thing on the planet and I want everyone to be able to enjoy it without inhibition or guilt. Don’t let anybody tell you that sex is a sin or something to be ashamed of. Great sex is beautiful. When you have great sex with another person, and assuming you’re both skilful enough, you’ll help one another experience a state of supreme ecstasy. Nothing else on the planet – and I’ve tried a lot of things – compares with it.
Here’s the greatest of the great:
- · Uninhibited, guilt-free, skilful sex with someone who loves you and whom you love and have developed a deep understanding with.
And here’s the next greatest:
- · Uninhibited, guilt-free, skilful sex with someone you’ve fallen in love with and care about and who cares about you.
So why do people tell you that sex is ‘dirty’ or ‘sinful’? Parents say so because they don’t want you to get into any problems to do with sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or pregnancy or emotional turmoil. And they probably believe it themselves a bit – or even completely – because we live in a very inhibited society. Their parents probably told them the same lies. Unfortunately, by trying to scare you off sex they’re going about things completely the wrong way.
No one would try to stop you driving a car by telling you that driving is ‘dirty’ or ‘sinful’. That would be considered ridiculous. Most likely they’d say driving is great but that you can only drive a car (a) when you’re old enough (b) when you’ve received sufficient education in how to drive a car and (c) only if observing the proper safety precautions.
Same with sex.
Here’s another thing. Suppose you had parents wealthy and generous enough to buy you a beautiful new sports car. Would you let someone else play around with it if you knew this person had crashed cars in the past, hadn’t passed the driving test, and was someone you didn’t even particularly like? Of course you wouldn’t.
Same with sex.
You don’t let someone else play around with your body – which is far more precious than any car – if they’re dangerous (that is, might give you a sexually transmitted illness), if they don’t know what they’re doing, and if you don’t really like them.
I’m not going to be like those who say you shouldn’t have sex until you love someone. That’s just not realistic. The truth is that when you’re young you haven’t had the time to develop that kind of relationship. You can’t love someone you’ve only known a short time. It’s a good idea to be ‘in love’ but that’s a different thing.
So you’re not going to have sex that’s the ‘greatest of the great’ when you’re a beginner. But you can still aim to have the best possible sex. Here, then, are some of the ingredients:
- · No worries about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) because (a) you’re sure you don’t have one, (b) you’re as sure as you can be that your partner doesn’t have one, and (c) you’re using condoms.
- · No worries about pregnancy because you’ve taken professional advice about contraceptives and are following it.
- · You know what sex involves and have tried out certain things on your own.
- · You feel completely ready for sex and have not been put under any pressure.
- · You’ve fallen in love.
I’ll be writing a lot more about how to have great sex. I’d also like to get your questions and will do my best to answer them in my blogs. So email me or click on Comment and tell me what you’re thinking.