Girls, what would you say is the biggest thing men get wrong when they make love to you? Guys, what would you say is the biggest thing girls get wrong?
After quite a lot of research I’ve come up with 60 Wrong Ways To Have Sex (which will be available as an e-book in the ‘Shop’ very soon). I’d say the biggest mistake both sexes make is failing to communicate openly. Almost everything else stems from that. Most people find it very difficult to say what they want in bed. And just as hard to find a way of saying what they don’t want.
It’s rather silly in a way. You don’t want to say anything in case your partner gets upset or thinks less of you. Meanwhile your partner is thinking exactly the same thing: ‘I can’t say that – it will make me seem completely weird.’ The result is an impasse. Nobody says anything.
That’s probably why sexy board games and erotic dice are so popular – it’s ‘fate’ that tells you what to do.
The great thing about e-books, of course, is that it’s very easy to update them. So what I’d like you to do is send me your selection of biggest mistakes – either ones that you’ve made, or your partners have made, or both.
If I haven’t already got them in my 60 (and assuming they’re suitable for publication) I’ll add them to my book. I’ll credit you in the book or, if you prefer, you can be anonymous.
Naturally, I’ve also added how to do it right.
Most people who write about ‘sex for beginners‘ or who teach sex education classes start out by trying to put youngsters off sex. I’m different. I believe great sex is the greatest thing on the planet and I want everyone to be able to enjoy it without inhibition or guilt. Don’t let anybody tell you that sex is a sin or something to be ashamed of. Great sex is beautiful. When you have great sex with another person, and assuming you’re both skilful enough, you’ll help one another experience a state of supreme ecstasy. Nothing else on the planet – and I’ve tried a lot of things – compares with it.
I’ve decided to add a ‘Sex For Beginners‘ section to my website because after talking to a group of teenagers recently I was surprised by many of their questions. They just weren’t the kinds of things I was expecting, nor the kinds of things I would have written about. So I’d like you ‘beginners’ to send me your questions and I’ll answer as many as I can in my blogs. That way, I’ll be writing about the things you want to know, rather than the things I think you ought to know.
One of the things we discussed was the ‘purity ring‘. There were two points I made:
- · A ‘purity ring’ should not be instead of sex education, as many parents seem to wish. The evidence is that many young women do eventually have sex despite their ‘purity rings’ and that a proportion of them do become pregnant or contract STDs. So it should be ‘purity ring’ and sex education. In any event, young women who defer sex until after marriage still need sex education.
- · My other point is that I’m against the name ‘purity ring’. Calling it the ‘purity ring’ suggests that to refrain from sex is ‘pure’ and that to have sex is ‘impure’. That’s very wrong. It can take years to overcome the inhibitions caused by that kind of teaching and some people never ever manage it. Contrast that sort of thinking with Tantra, which teaches that, far from being in opposition to spirituality, sex can be a path to enlightenment. If you’d like to know more about Tantric Sex, click on the button.
So why not just call it the ‘deferment ring’ or the ‘not until married’ ring? Other suggestions, please.