Tag: orgasm

Withholding Ejaculation

From: Julia, Brighton.

Dear Paul Jenner

I enjoyed your book Get Intimate with Tantric Sex very much, but as a woman in a long-term and happy relationship I am finding adapting to some of your suggestions rather hard.

I appreciate that, for instance, non-ejaculatory sex is a great thing in terms of frequency of intercourse (especially in couples of that certain age and above!) but I miss the spontaneity of mutual orgasm. For me the enjoyment of what I will call ‘normal’ sex is the mounting excitement, the occasional pull-backs and then the full-on coming as a crescendo, just like that crashing wave we always see on coy film sex scenes. When I know the session is going to be (barring accidents) non-ejaculatory it sort of lacks impetus and form. We have to eventually come to a verbal agreement that the session should end.  I find this difficult as despite the fact I may have had several orgasms I am never quite sure of the best timing as far as my partner is concerned. 

Any suggestions?

Reader Writes: Orgasm From Energy Circulation

From: Ms K of Canterbury


Dear Mr Jenner

I am an 18 year old girl and I have had a serious boyfriend for about ten months. I started university last Autumn and and he is soon going away to another university.  He wants to have sex to “cement” our relationship but I don’t want to yet.  Although I wore a chastity ring when I was 16 I don’t now, I sort of grew out of it but I am still unsure about having full intercourse with him at the moment.  My aunt has your book, Get Intimate With Tantric Sex and she lent it to me after she found me sneaking a look the other day. She says it is a serious reflection on the whole art and spirituality of sex, not just how to have a quick bonk behind the bike sheds. I am hoping my boyfriend will see, as I think I do, that there is no need to rush things and better, perhaps to build up our love and passion by following some of the techniques you outline. We have discussed this and we have, on our increasingly rare moments together tried to meditate and concentrate on our sexual energy as you suggest quite early on in the book.

Last weekend we decided to try moving around the energy. We sat close and opposite one another and closed our eyes. As a warm up we carried out the visualisation you suggest for moving energy around different parts of the body, starting with the hands. I could hear my boyfriend’s breathing change, deeper and louder and I think I was the same. I snatched a quick look at him and I could see he was getting quite into the mediation and I could also see that under his sweat pants his penis was getting quite hard. I shut my eyes tight but although I was trying to feel the energy in all different parts of the body, I couldn’t help concentrating on between my legs. I was getting quite wet and my mouth was dry.  I didn’t want to swallow because every tiny move seemed so loud and I knew if my boyfriend heard my swallowing he would know how excited I was getting. I could hear him groan a little and I knew he was touching himself now.  I didn’t mind and I wasn’t shocked as I was shifting about myself.  I was so wet and excited and my knees felt like water. I was touching myself through my clothes but even that was enough and I started rubbing quite hard. I wanted my boyfriend to see and when I looked up he was sweating and getting very excited. I think I had an orgasm almost at exactly the same time as he did and we lay in each other’s arms for quite a while afterwards, quite exhausted but elated.  Some time afterwards when we could talk properly we agreed that although we hadn’t had full intercourse, this way of moving energy around had already been great. Thank you.

Gods And Goddesses


With all the obsession about princes and princesses or duchesses or whatever I thought I’d blog about something far more interesting – gods and goddesses. In Tantric sex every woman is a goddess and every man is a god. Why? Well, traditionally, there were several reasons. The first one stems from the idea that the universe was created by Brahman. Since there was nothing else but Brahman then, logically, Brahman must have created the universe out of Himself. In other words, the universe and everything in it is Brahman. You are Brahman. Your partner is Brahman.

Another strand of thought is that Brahman was lonely and so split into two, creating a goddess and a god (known as Shakti and Shiva in the Hindu tradition). It’s their lovemaking that created and sustains the visible universe. Again, logic dictates that every woman must be Shakti and every man Shiva. The end of lovemaking means the end of the universe so, please, don’t stop.

Yet another idea is that women become inhabited by goddesses or yogini during ceremonial Tantric sex. Probably men were startled by the way women become ‘possessed’ during orgasm and so concluded that something magical was going on. They believed they were, in effect, having sex with the yogini who temporarily took over the women’s bodies.

Whatever you make of all that, there’s no denying that sex becomes something very special when you treat your partner as a god or goddess. Exactly how that’s done in Tantric sex is something I’ll explain in another blog. Meanwhile I suggest you treat your partner as divine at all times, not just during sex. That will be tremendous for your entire relationship