From: AH Dundee.
Dear Mr Jenner
I always try and satisfy my partner when having sex but I just don’t like it when he licks my privates. I thinks it’s dirty and not normal. Many men seem to think they have got the right to go down there between my legs and I don’t agree. It has caused many rows. I can’t understand it. I thought licking a woman out was for her enjoyment so if I don’t enjoy it why are some men so insistent? Do men get a sexual kick out of it as well? I’d much rather go straight into proper fucking. Am I abnormal? Do most women like it? What should I do?
Cunnilingus (licking the vulva) is certainly not ‘dirty’ and it’s certainly not abnormal. Even back in Kinsey’s day (the 1940s/50s) over half of married couples sometimes did it and most women would probably like more of it, not less. Adding something like whipped cream to the area is quite popular (see photo). Of course, it’s your body and you don’t have to be licked if you don’t want to be. Certainly there are plenty of men who feel, like you, that they’d rather get straight down to ‘proper fucking’. If you don’t already, I’d suggest you explore the possible sensations on your own, using your lubricated fingers on your vulva, and especially on your clitoris. If you can overcome your inhibitions I’m pretty certain you’ll enjoy everything about it.
Best wishes, Paul
From: Julia, Brighton.
Dear Paul Jenner
I enjoyed your book Get Intimate with Tantric Sex very much, but as a woman in a long-term and happy relationship I am finding adapting to some of your suggestions rather hard.
I appreciate that, for instance, non-ejaculatory sex is a great thing in terms of frequency of intercourse (especially in couples of that certain age and above!) but I miss the spontaneity of mutual orgasm. For me the enjoyment of what I will call ‘normal’ sex is the mounting excitement, the occasional pull-backs and then the full-on coming as a crescendo, just like that crashing wave we always see on coy film sex scenes. When I know the session is going to be (barring accidents) non-ejaculatory it sort of lacks impetus and form. We have to eventually come to a verbal agreement that the session should end. I find this difficult as despite the fact I may have had several orgasms I am never quite sure of the best timing as far as my partner is concerned.
From: Dale, Girona.
I need to ask you a question. Do you think it’s weird to want to watch your girlfriend peeing? I’d like to, but my girlfriend is embarrassed. She also says she can’t understand why anybody would find it the least bit erotic. She thinks it’s very odd.
I know there are other men who feel the same as I do because there are porn films that feature women peeing. But I don’t know if it’s a tiny minority of men (and therefore abnormal) or a significant number of men (and therefore normal).
I’ve suggested various ways of overcoming her reluctance. For example, I suggested she could pee while we were taking a shower together. I’d hardly notice anything. Then, as the next step, she could pee while showering but with her legs sufficiently apart for me to see the jet. What I’d like most of all is for her to squat down in the normal way, but half naked or completely naked, so I could see the pee coming out of her body.
It’s partly just out of curiosity but I think it would be erotic and also sort of funny at the same time. And intimate. And endearing. And even mystical.
Of course, I don’t mean watching all the time. But I’d like to see it at least once. And maybe, when we’re hiking, she wouldn’t feel the need to hide behind a bush…
Can you give your opinion? If you say my girlfriend is right and it’s weird then I won’t mention it again. But if you say it’s normal then I’ll try to cajole her into it. After all, it’s not as if she minds showing her pussy – I see it most days.