A question I often get asked by men is, ‘What turns women on?’. I can only know what women tell me, of course. And what I read in research papers. Generally, guys, it’s not rubbing her clitoris or anything like that. At least, not initially – that comes later.
Here are some of the things that, in a long term relationship, you can do to put your partner in the mood:
- Wash the dishes
- Help with the housework
- Be supportive when she has worries
- Show your appreciation for her.
If you were hoping for something more erotic then I’m sorry to disappoint you. And, of course, it’s no good doing the dishes only when you want sex. It’s not that washing plates is sexy in itself. It isn’t. The point is that when a woman feels valued, loved and cared-for, so she feels the desire to welcome you into her body. That means showing your appreciation all the time. Which, as it happens, is also the recipe for a happy relationship. So what’s not to like?
Ladies, I’d like to hear from you as to what turns you on. Please click on the word ‘comment’ at the top of this article.
There are plenty of books giving advice on how to be happy. I’ve written one myself (Teach Yourself How To Be Happier). But there’s a tendency to ignore the corollary, how not to be unhappy. I’ve been reflecting on the importance of this following a big fire near my home in Spain.
How did that fire start? The authorities are sure it was a cigarette end, tossed from a car window. That simple, thoughtless act destroyed something like 13,000 hectares of forest along with wildlife, farm animals and homes. Some people were seriously burned. In another nearby fire on the same day two people died as they tried to escape down a cliff that proved too steep. That second fire was started in the same way by a discarded cigar butt.
I don’t know if the people responsible are aware of what they’ve done. If so, they must be feeling terrible. But it’s certain their actions have caused a lot of misery to others.
Those cigarette and cigar ends are symbols. So much of life is like this. People literally hurl tobacco into their own lives and set them on fire. It’s a fact that around half of smokers will lose two decades of the lives they would have had. And yet there’s no evidence at all that smokers are happier than non-smokers. Smoking is a huge risk with no upside.
Alcohol is similar. There’s zero evidence that drinkers are happier than teetotalers. Okay, a small quantity can make you feel good for a short while, but serious drinking is a threat to long-term physical and mental health.
What about driving too fast? What about the quick, unprotected bonk with someone you hardly know? What about getting sunburned on holiday then going out the next day and getting even more burned? What about fooling around with drugs?
These are all examples of happiness being sacrificed for a transitory thrill, or less. If you want to be happy, don’t make yourself unhappy. Think through the consequences of your actions.
I’ve just had an e-mail from a young guy asking my opinion on the conflict between spirituality and the pleasures of the flesh. Well, in my opinion, there is no conflict. That’s why I like certain aspects of Tantra. Tantrikas don’t see any conflict, either. On the contrary, Tantric sex is a way of using sexual energy precisely for spiritual ends.
The supposed conflict between the flesh and the spirit was the theme of just about everything written by Nikos Kazantzakis. For that reason I shouldn’t really like his books. But I do. In examining one side of the argument he was also compelled to examine the other and, in Zorba The Greek he created a man who relished everything that life on Earth has to offer.
That’s why I love that character. If you want to be happy you have to stop beating yourself up for being a human being. Enjoy yourself. And if you’re not sure how, read Zorba The Greek as a start. And then, maybe, How To Be Happier.
If you agree or disagree let’s hear from you – just click on ‘comment’.
As a result of some valuable new techniques I learned recently I’ve begun work on a follow-up to How To Be Happier. But I’d also appreciate some input from you. Do you deliberately use particular techniques to make yourself happier and, if so, what are they? Do you favour the idea that true happiness comes from inside? Or from outside? Or do you just let whatever happens happen? I’d love to hear from you. In fact, I’m sure we’d all like to hear from you if you’ve got some techniques that have worked for you. Please click on the word ‘comment’ below and share your thoughts in the box.
I’ve just done something that has made me very, very happy. And I want to share it with you. I went swimming. Avid readers of my blogs will know I’ve been having a go at surfing for a month or so. But for that I’ve been dressed in a wetsuit. What made swimming so special on this occasion was that I went into the water wearing… nothing. And my partner wore the same.
Kinky? Just imagine this for a moment. A warm, sunny day and you’re cycling along a track beside a beautiful lake. You come to a spot where there’s a tiny beach. And there’s no one there. In fact, there’s no one to be seen anywhere. What do you do?