Children Should Be Taught Tantric Sex

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On the Today programme last week, Sarah Montague was asking what parents should say when children see images of women ‘not wearing many clothes’. This issue of the sexualisation of children has been in the media quite a bit recently. We don’t yet know what impact online pornography will have on the adult sexuality of today’s youngsters, but we do know the impact of negative attitudes to the body and sex. That’s what I want to talk about in this blog.

Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about the body or there’s not. Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about a penis or a vulva or there’s not. Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about sex or there’s not. If there’s not, why do so many parents convey disapproval to their children? This is real damage and it takes years to undo. Some adults never ever manage to throw off their inhibitions.

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Were You Circumcised As An Adult?

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In November, residents of San Francisco will vote on a proposition to ban the circumcision of males under 18. Writing in Britain’s Sunday Times, Dominic Lawson, who was himself circumcised, obviously finds the campaigners ridiculous, seeing infant circumcision as the loss of something unimportant in exchange for what he claimed was a significantly lower risk of developing penile cancer.

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Sex Is Better Than Commuting

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As I was blogging in the Writer’s Life section, I once had to drive 90 minutes to get to work in the morning and 90 minutes to get home again. That was pretty extreme but a lot of people accept two hours of commuting per day as normal. Boomers have mostly given that up, either by downsizing or retiring. If you and your partner are Boomers who no longer have to rush out of the house every weekday morning I suggest you use the time to have sex.

In the first place, the morning is a pretty good time for the older man. It’s when testosterone levels are at their highest. Secondly, in summer in a country like Spain, it’s when the bedroom is at its coolest. Thirdly, it’s a time when you’re unlikely to be disturbed. So you can get into a nice dependable routine. Have cups of tea or coffee in bed, freshen up, and get at it.

Some people object to the idea of sex as a routine. But that doesn’t mean the sex itself has to be routine. It can be as varied as you like. Rather, it just means you both assume you will have daily sex, in the same way that you eat every day. And just as most meals, however enjoyable, follow the standard recipes, and a few are particularly special, with lots of courses and unusual sensations, so it can be with sex.

You used to commute every day, squashed up against people you never even knew. What’s to complain about in being squashed up against someone you love every morning?

Communing Is Better Than Commuting

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Every morning I stroll or jog to the nearby farm where I feed the sheep and let them out for the day. In return, the farmer let’s my ponies graze in his fields. It’s a slightly hypocritical pact for a vegan, but ever since some rustlers stole the ram there have been no more lambs and I can feel better about the whole thing – at least until the farmer replaces him.

This morning, rather than one animal less there was one more. A black one. A sow. She was standing outside the pen looking in, while the sheep looked nervously out. I’m not sure if she’s pure Iberian or a mix of Iberian and wild boar. Round here there are often ‘accidental’ escapes from pig farms and ‘accidental’ matings between domestic pigs and wild boar. The point is that domestic pigs are more prolific breeders, so more wild boar ‘pests’ are born which the local hunters later ‘have’ to shoot. Talk about hypocrisy. This manipulation of the environment by hunters is something that’s often overlooked – and non-hunters have no say in it. In parts of the Pyrenees, for example, black grouse numbers have declined due to the ‘accidental’ increase in wild boar, which eat the eggs.

Anyway, she came running towards me and, at first, I didn’t know whether to bolt or stand my ground. But I liked the idea of being friends with a ‘wild’ pig so I stayed where I was and, luckily, Miss Piggy – as I now call her – felt the same way about a human. The sad thing is, that will just make her all the easier to shoot come the hunting season.

Anyway, this is what now passes for commuting. At one time, working in Britain, I had to drive for ninety minutes to get to work and another ninety to get home again. Now I can spend the time saved in more enjoyable ways, such as communing with a pig. For an alternative suggestion on what to do with the time click the Sex For Boomers button and read Sex Is Better Than Commuting.

Does Happiness Come From Things Or Experiences?

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According to some research I’ve just been reading (for my book on personality), money spent on nice experiences produces more happiness than money spent on material goods. The pleasure in objects fades as we get used to them but the pleasure of a nice experience goes on for years as we recall the memories.

I certainly go along with that. I’d much rather spend money on a snowboarding trip than on a three-piece suite. And, fortunately, my partner feels the same. My personal theory has long been that it’s important to have not just nice experiences but powerful nice experiences otherwise they won’t be adequately seared into the memory and too easily become lost. On that basis, my decision to have a crack at surfing between books was a good one. Things like trying to stand up on a wobbly plank, falling off said plank, and being pounded on the head by said plank all make for vivid memories. And, it was nice, too.

Use the Comment box to let us know what you think. Euro for euro, pound for pound or dollar for dollar, what produces the most happiness? A nice object or a nice experience?

Make Your Own (Tantric) Sex Film

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Heard Victoria Coren on the radio the other day. The daughter of the late humorist Alan Coren, her two claims to fame are that she’s a top poker player (about which she wrote a book called For Richer, For Poorer) and, secondly, that she and Charlie Skelton once tried to make a porn film (about which she wrote a book, together with Charlie, called Once More With Feeling). So I ordered a copy of Once More With Feeling via Amazon, it arrived very quickly, and I’ve just finished reading it.

It’s quite funny but I was more interested in the serious bits, such as the interviews with American porn people and the practical problems of actually making a porn film. Most fascinating of all was the realisation that what Victoria and Charlie thought was arousing was, generally, quite different to what I think is arousing.

That set me thinking about making my own porn film. Not something for public consumption but just for my partner and I. Well, more for me, probably, but starring the two of us. Nowadays, with these little digital video cameras it’s so easy.

One scenario I quite like is setting off for a lake not far away. It’s hot. We exchange meaningful glances. We strip naked and swim to the far side which is fairly inaccessible. There we exchange more meaningful glances. We find a secluded spot among the trees on a little rise overlooking the lake and there we have Tantric Sex. (Tantric Sex is really wonderful out of doors in a beautiful place, day or night.)

By the way, if you’re not sure how to go about things when you haven’t got a comfortable bed or sofa you’ll find some great out-of-doors positions in my books Get Intimate With Tantric Sex and  Have Great Sex (both published by Teach Yourself).

I’ll let you know how the filming progresses. Meanwhile, maybe you’d like to share your own scenarios with us by using the Comments box or sending me an email. Let us know what would turn you on. Just a brief outline. Maximum 60 words, please. You can be anonymous, if you wish, but I’ll be giving a free copy of my book Kama Sutra to the scriptwriter whom I consider the best – and who was bold enough to supply a name and email/snail mail address.

The Great Wall Of Vagina

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I blogged a little while ago about labiaplasty (or labioplasty) – that’s to say, reduction of a woman’s labia. Through Nicci Talbot’s website (see the blog below) I’ve now discovered The Great Wall Of Vagina project. The Brighton-based artist Jamie McCartney has spent five years making life casts of 400 vulvas. Women who fear they’re not normal can see what other women look like and how varied vulvas actually are. It’s well worth having a look at http://brightonbodycasting.com/press.php

the great wall of vagina

My point, as a man, is that the labia are part of a woman’s sexual apparatus. When engorged they effectively extend the vagina, caressing the penis as it moves in and out. Reduction, except in an extreme case, seems to me a very bad idea.

Returning to Jamie, you can have any part of your own body cast, if you want. I wish I’d known about him when my partner and I were renovating the mill in which we live. I wanted to have casts of our bodies on our respective walk-in wardrobes but couldn’t find a local artist who knew how to do it. Jamie is an expert. But if you can’t afford professional body casting, Jamie has a DIY vulva kit at a very reasonable price – presumably you could also use the materials on other body parts if you prefer.

The Million Dollar Point

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The million dollar question for older men is: How can I keep on doing it as often as I used to? One million dollars, it is said, was the price some men were willing to pay Indian gurus in exchange for being taught the acupressure point that could cut off ejaculation. In theory, even an older man could then have sex again and again every day. Well, I’m very happy to teach you that for free. But I’d also suggest you don’t use the ‘million dollar point’ because, in my opinion, it’s risky. It can be painful, it can cause retrograde emission into the bladder and it might cause some damage. It’s also unnecessary. There are better ways of being able to have frequent sex.

But first of all, where is the million dollar point? In acupressure it’s known as Inner Meeting or Conception Vessel 1 or CV1 for short. In both men and women it’s located on the perineum, a little closer to the anus than to the genitals.

A man will know he’s on CV1 because there’s a sort of hollow there. If you press strongly inwards on CV1 with a forefinger at the start of ejaculation you’ll feel the semen pulsing along and if you press hard enough you can actually stop the flow. But, I repeat, it’s not something I recommend. I’ve tried it (that’s my job) but I don’t practise it. In my next blog I’ll tell you what I do do.

Tantric Sex – Fact And Fiction

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A great deal of fiction nowadays surrounds Tantric sex. The problem is that Tantra was not founded by any single person and has never had any sort of ruling body to define its beliefs, so its teachings have varied from century to century, place to place, and guru to guru. Quite frankly, there are lots of self-proclaimed Tantric gurus out there writing books and running courses that have little or nothing to do with the real thing. If you go on such a course you may have a great time and learn new things. That’s fine. But authentic Tantric sex is a lot more than staring into eyes and lighting incense.

What makes Tantric sex different is not its range of physical sexual techniques (potent though they are) but its range of psychological techniques and the intention behind the sex. The prolonged state of excitement which Tantric sex is capable of creating is only a beginning. It’s aim is the attainment of a quite extraordinary state of mind known as ananda or bliss.

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Happiness In The Face Of Criticism

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This morning I was checking my books on Amazon and noticed that How To Be Happier was by far the most reviewed, with 28 entries. So that has to tell me something. Most of the reviews were favourable, some of them extremely so, but I also seem to have reduced a couple of people to a state of near apoplexy. Far from being happier they were utterly enraged. And it’s quite instructive to look at why.

One criticism was that my book contained much the same advice as other books on happiness. Now, few people could be buying more ‘how to’ books than me. I have books on how to ski, snowboard, climb, ride, surf, dive, sail, have sex (two shelves) and all kinds of other things. And you know what? All the books on, say, snowboarding, give me the same advice. So far, not one of the books has suggested I should strap the board to my head rather than my feet. I find it reassuring that all the experts are agreed on that point.

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Fit For Sex

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My little erection problem the other day (see Women On Top in the Writer’s Life section) has made me reflect on the importance of keeping in good shape for sex. It’s a sad thing, in a way, that how much you enjoy sex depends not on what your partner does to you but on what you’ve been doing to yourself.

If you’ve not looked after yourself then you’re going to find it difficult to reach the outer limits of ecstasy. Just as Daniel Barenboim can’t play a Beethoven sonata on a piano that’s out of tune, so your partner won’t be able to ‘play you’ if you don’t keep your body tuned up.

Fortunately, there are always things you can do to give your body a better chance. Exercise is one of them. In a Gallup survey 45% of respondents said their sex lives improved when they began exercising.

That’s hardly surprising. The tiny blood vessels in your genitals are easily blocked by fatty deposits. Exercise is one way of helping to keep the blood flowing strongly. Another is to keep down the level of saturated fats in your meals. Men should also keep in mind that a paunch is a kind of anti-sex factory, causing a rise in oestrogen, the ‘female’ hormone, and a fall in testosterone, the ‘male’ hormone.

As little as 20-minutes of vigorous exercise three times a week could be all it takes to make the difference between so-so-sex and super-sex.

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