Tag: tantric sex

Sex As Good As It Gets

Going up on the chairlift the other day (I’m in the French Alps at the moment) I was sitting next to a guy who asked me what I did for a living.

‘Writer,’ I said.

‘And what do you write?’

‘Sex manuals,’ I said. I could have mentioned other books but I always enjoy the effect sex manuals have.

He rubbed his chin. ‘How can anybody be sure,’ he asked, ‘if they’re good in bed?’ He seriously wanted to know. ‘I mean, how can I know if the pleasure I’m giving my partner is the best? How can I know if what I’m feeling is as good as it gets?’

Good questions.

It’s a bit like trying to find out if the colour I see and call green is the same as the colour you see and call green.

On a scale of one to ten the guy might say his last sexual experience was a nine, but how do I know if his ten is the same as my ten? What Jill thinks of as the ultimate in sexual pleasure may have only half the intensity of what Jane feels on a good day.

It’s common for sex writers and therapists to say you shouldn’t be concerned with performance and targets and numbers, but I don’t agree. I’m currently struggling to improve my snowboard technique. That in no way detracts from my pleasure. On the contrary. No one, I’m sure, would seriously suggest it would be okay to remain forever at the level I attained at the end of my first week. So why is it wrong to want to give your partner the maximum possible sexual pleasure and to receive the same? Why is it wrong to want to discover how far you can go?

I thought I’d discovered the secret of the universe when I was 18. How could anybody else have sex this good? Now those early experiences seem totally inept. What then seemed to be a ten now looks like a one.

I can’t define ten in sex and I can’t know I’ve ever reached ten but I’d say it can’t be anything like ten unless:

  • Sex goes on for a good while (say, an hour), because the human body just can’t reach its maximum response during a quickie.
  • The afterglow lasts a good while (say, four hours at least).
  • There’s a sense not only of physical satisfaction, but also of emotional, spiritual and intellectual satisfaction as well.

I’m not saying that’s everything, but it’s a good start. The guy on the lift promised to buy either Have Great Sex or Get Intimate With Tantric Sex and let me know if it changed his perspective. If you have any thoughts on what constitutes the greatest sex, or the rights or wrongs of aiming for a great ‘performance’, share them with us by clicking on the word ‘comment’ at the top of this blog. And, Ian, I’ll be expecting to hear from you.


Zorba The (Happy) Greek

I’ve just had an e-mail from a young guy asking my opinion on the conflict between spirituality and the pleasures of the flesh. Well, in my opinion, there is no conflict. That’s why I like certain aspects of Tantra. Tantrikas don’t see any conflict, either. On the contrary, Tantric sex is a way of using sexual energy precisely for spiritual ends.

The supposed conflict between the flesh and the spirit was the theme of just about everything written by Nikos Kazantzakis. For that reason I shouldn’t really like his books. But I do. In examining one side of the argument he was also compelled to examine the other and, in Zorba The Greek he created a man who relished everything that life on Earth has to offer.

That’s why I love that character. If you want to be happy you have to stop beating yourself up for being a human being. Enjoy yourself. And if you’re not sure how, read Zorba The Greek as a start. And then, maybe, How To Be Happier.

If you agree or disagree let’s hear from you – just click on ‘comment’.

Reader Writes: Orgasm From Energy Circulation

From: Ms K of Canterbury


Dear Mr Jenner

I am an 18 year old girl and I have had a serious boyfriend for about ten months. I started university last Autumn and and he is soon going away to another university.  He wants to have sex to “cement” our relationship but I don’t want to yet.  Although I wore a chastity ring when I was 16 I don’t now, I sort of grew out of it but I am still unsure about having full intercourse with him at the moment.  My aunt has your book, Get Intimate With Tantric Sex and she lent it to me after she found me sneaking a look the other day. She says it is a serious reflection on the whole art and spirituality of sex, not just how to have a quick bonk behind the bike sheds. I am hoping my boyfriend will see, as I think I do, that there is no need to rush things and better, perhaps to build up our love and passion by following some of the techniques you outline. We have discussed this and we have, on our increasingly rare moments together tried to meditate and concentrate on our sexual energy as you suggest quite early on in the book.

Last weekend we decided to try moving around the energy. We sat close and opposite one another and closed our eyes. As a warm up we carried out the visualisation you suggest for moving energy around different parts of the body, starting with the hands. I could hear my boyfriend’s breathing change, deeper and louder and I think I was the same. I snatched a quick look at him and I could see he was getting quite into the mediation and I could also see that under his sweat pants his penis was getting quite hard. I shut my eyes tight but although I was trying to feel the energy in all different parts of the body, I couldn’t help concentrating on between my legs. I was getting quite wet and my mouth was dry.  I didn’t want to swallow because every tiny move seemed so loud and I knew if my boyfriend heard my swallowing he would know how excited I was getting. I could hear him groan a little and I knew he was touching himself now.  I didn’t mind and I wasn’t shocked as I was shifting about myself.  I was so wet and excited and my knees felt like water. I was touching myself through my clothes but even that was enough and I started rubbing quite hard. I wanted my boyfriend to see and when I looked up he was sweating and getting very excited. I think I had an orgasm almost at exactly the same time as he did and we lay in each other’s arms for quite a while afterwards, quite exhausted but elated.  Some time afterwards when we could talk properly we agreed that although we hadn’t had full intercourse, this way of moving energy around had already been great. Thank you.

Reader Writes: Tantric Sex

From: Mr D, Birmingham.

Dear Paul,

I’d like to thank you for writing Get Intimate With Tantric Sex. I was looking for a book that might help me and my wife and when I came across yours it was the obvious choice because, although she wouldn’t admit it, I’m sure my wife has always felt guilty about sex. Something to do with her upbringing, no doubt. So our sex life has been difficult and for the last couple of years there’s not been much.

When I read how sex could be spiritual I wondered if that could be the way to overcome her inhibitions. I’ll admit that at first I wasn’t actually very interested in the spiritual side of it. I just wanted to have a good sex life. I was using it as an excuse. So I began talking to her about the spiritual side of sex and how it could be a religious experience.  She had a look for herself and eventually I got her to agree to try nyasa.  She sat up on the bed, supported by some pillows, and I caressed her and massaged her breasts and different places until, finally, I bowed down between her thighs saying that she was a goddess and that her yoni was the entrance to paradise etc. etc. My face was closer to her yoni than it had ever been in all those years of marriage. I knew she could feel my hot breath on her because she moaned a little each time I breathed out. I moved my lips closer and closer until her pubic hair was tickling me and then, very, very gently, I put out my tongue and touched it against her clitoris. It was as if I’d given her an electric shock. For a moment she didn’t know what to do, but then I felt her open her thighs wider and I knew she wanted me to do it some more. So I pressed my tongue against her ‘sacred’ yoni. It was so unbelievably smooth and soon I was tasting the juice that flowed out of her. The strange thing is that when I thought about it later I really did feel as if I’d absorbed some of her ‘female essences’ and become more in touch with my own feminine side.

Anyway, to get back to where I was, she was moaning in a way she never had before and soon she was begging me to slide into her. The next big new thing was this idea of holding back ejaculation. I now realise I hardly ever gave my wife time to orgasm before, which is probably why she’d never developed much of a taste for sex. Using the ‘locking method’ and the psychological techniques that you described I was able to keep going and going. She had at least three orgasms and I almost came each time. And every time I nearly came it was like moving up to another level of ecstasy.  I’d never felt sensations like it before. The whole inside of her vagina felt swollen and electric and very, very wet. As for my wife, she was almost delirious. In the past she sometimes had one orgasm, more often no orgasm, and now she’d had three in a row.I said to her to think about the most spiritual scene she could imagine and to hold onto that image and then we would both come together. At this she went absolutely crazy. I wouldn’t have believed how far she could get her legs open as she pulled me into her and we timed it to perfection. Her eyes actually rolled up and she told me afterwards she really had seen a vision of paradise.

I’ll admit that I just saw your book as a means to an end. But we’re now both of us really into Tantric sex, the physical and the spiritual. My wife still has a bit of a way to go before she’ll do the most ‘exotic’ things you describe, but I’m sure we’ll get there. Now we both use the expression ‘shall we pray?’ And then we do…


Reader Writes: Ripping Time In Bed

From: Ms C, Weybridge


Dear Paul,

I felt I just had to write to you about your book “Get Intimate with Tantric Sex” as I feel it has probably changed my life.  For the better I am sure.

As a suburban woman in my late 40’s I count myself as well educated, well balanced and, above all, someone open to new experiences.  I am in a long-term relationship, not married but living with a man who is loving, kind and in whom I have the utmost respect.

The only problem has been that our sex-life has not been as active or exciting as either of us would like. It’s difficult to explain why but I think we have both become a little too staid, and perhaps have even always been somewhat inhibited in our approach to the bedroom.

So I bought the book.  I didn’t want to purchase something which was overtly a sex manual. That would have seemed too pointed a way of saying I wasn’t satisfied. But the idea of combining something as historical and fascinating as Tantra and its influence on sex seemed ideal.

We have read through the book, mostly together and mostly when we get ourselves to bed (we now always try to make sure we go to bed at the same time for this time is naturally a very intimate one).

I feel that one of the most important things we have both learned is to be much more open with firstly ourselves and then, of course, with each other.

Your Chapter 3, Breaking Taboos, was the key to progress and, to date much more carefree, joyful and successful sex.

Let me tell you a little about how we followed your advice.

One evening we went to bed a little earlier than usual. The bedroom was warm, the bed also and I had got into the habit of always lighting some incense sticks and some candles when I went up to turn on the electric blanket.  Even if sex isn’t contemplated the bedroom becomes a boudoir, a very special place like this.

Instead of getting ready for bed as we usually do – each on his or her own side, a modest if not embarrassed shedding of clothes, I suggested my lover came around to my side and undress me.

I was wearing a silk shirt with a lot of buttons and he started fumbling with them one, by one.  “Rip it off” I whispered, and he did, in one hard wrench. It was so exciting. With the tatters of the shirt still around my shoulders, he pulled off the bra and I wriggled out of my skirt. Now just the panties. They had to be ripped off as well.  I was enjoying this. We fell onto the bed, hotter and wetter than almost ever before. I lay with my hips on the bed but my legs, wide open, still on the floor. My lover pushed my thighs apart and licked and sucked at my crotch as never before. We were panting deliciously and when he entered me I arched my back and groaned out loud. That was pure sexual pleasure and it was wonderful.

I felt a little sorry about the silk blouse afterwards, but together we will go on a shopping expedition to replace it and the panties and what’s more we will be ensuring that the wardrobe is well-stocked with rippables.

Children Should Be Taught Tantric Sex


On the Today programme last week, Sarah Montague was asking what parents should say when children see images of women ‘not wearing many clothes’. This issue of the sexualisation of children has been in the media quite a bit recently. We don’t yet know what impact online pornography will have on the adult sexuality of today’s youngsters, but we do know the impact of negative attitudes to the body and sex. That’s what I want to talk about in this blog.

Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about the body or there’s not. Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about a penis or a vulva or there’s not. Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about sex or there’s not. If there’s not, why do so many parents convey disapproval to their children? This is real damage and it takes years to undo. Some adults never ever manage to throw off their inhibitions.

Continue reading

Gods And Goddesses


With all the obsession about princes and princesses or duchesses or whatever I thought I’d blog about something far more interesting – gods and goddesses. In Tantric sex every woman is a goddess and every man is a god. Why? Well, traditionally, there were several reasons. The first one stems from the idea that the universe was created by Brahman. Since there was nothing else but Brahman then, logically, Brahman must have created the universe out of Himself. In other words, the universe and everything in it is Brahman. You are Brahman. Your partner is Brahman.

Another strand of thought is that Brahman was lonely and so split into two, creating a goddess and a god (known as Shakti and Shiva in the Hindu tradition). It’s their lovemaking that created and sustains the visible universe. Again, logic dictates that every woman must be Shakti and every man Shiva. The end of lovemaking means the end of the universe so, please, don’t stop.

Yet another idea is that women become inhabited by goddesses or yogini during ceremonial Tantric sex. Probably men were startled by the way women become ‘possessed’ during orgasm and so concluded that something magical was going on. They believed they were, in effect, having sex with the yogini who temporarily took over the women’s bodies.

Whatever you make of all that, there’s no denying that sex becomes something very special when you treat your partner as a god or goddess. Exactly how that’s done in Tantric sex is something I’ll explain in another blog. Meanwhile I suggest you treat your partner as divine at all times, not just during sex. That will be tremendous for your entire relationship

My Tantric Sex Present For William And Kate

I find it extraordinary that so many people are excited by the wedding of two people they’ve never met and never will meet. Why are so many people living so vicariously? I would suggest they get a copy of my book How To Be Happier and start enjoying their own lives.

The challenge for William and Kate is the same that faces most modern couples – how to make the wedding night particularly special, given that they’ve been living together. Not easy for anybody following the rigours of a wedding. In fact, I’d advise anybody getting married to have sex first thing in the morning, rather than after the celebrations when too much champagne has been drunk. A large quantity of alcohol beforehand doesn’t make for great sex – but a small quantity afterwards prolongs the dopamine hit very nicely.

So my suggestion for a really memorable wedding night would be to get started on Tantric sex. In fact, I can reveal that I’ve sent the happy couple a copy of my book Get Intimate With Tantric Sex and I like to think of them sitting up in bed together, reading it and trying out one or two of the more advanced techniques. One specific piece of advice. They should take their crowns off. They do get in the way.

Never mind about princes and princesses. In Tantra every woman is a goddess and every man is a god. Now that’s my idea of democracy. If you’d like to understand Tantric sex better click on the Tantric Sex button and then select Gods And Goddesses.


Breaking taboos was a vital part of traditional Tantric sex. Scholars argue about which were the specific taboos, but the principle counts more than the detail. The idea was that Tantrikas needed to open their minds, and sweep away their prejudices, in order to be able to comprehend the reality of the universe and experience the state of ecstasy in which rasa-juice floods the body. Nowadays we have scientific evidence of what an extraordinary place the universe is, but a couple of millennia ago the Tantric stages were still able to come up with some startling insights. They had already developed the Big Bang theory, for example, and perceived that everything in the universe was composed of vibrations.

More than ever we need to have open minds to cope with the pace of technology, the latest discoveries about the nature of the universe…and the same old personal barriers that have always existed to hold us back.

For example, do you have a taboo about admitting to masturbation? About admitting to fantasies of people other than your partner? Erotica? Being naked at a nudist beach? Oral sex? Anal sex?

In Tantric sex your body is simply a tool to help your mind reach the highest level of ecstasy, known as samadhi, and by various other names. So examine your taboos, especially taboos to do with sex, and if there’s a sound basis for them then stick with them. Of course. But if there’s no basis for them, then liberate yourself, and set yourself on the path to samadhi.