I’ve been reading reviews of With The Kisses Of His Mouth, novelist Monique Roffey’s account of her sexual adventures in the small ads, French nudist resorts, English sex clubs and…‘tantric workshops’. Good luck to her. But I put ‘tantric workshops’ in quotes because they don’t seem to have had very much to do with Tantra.
I do get a bit irritated when the Tantric tag is attached to things that really aren’t Tantric at all, whether by journalists or by those running courses. I don’t doubt that the workshops were invaluable and professional but why call them Tantra if they’re not?
Because Tantra was not founded by any single person and has never had any sort of ruling body to define its beliefs, so its teachings have varied from century to century, place to place, and guru to guru. But there are certain essentials and if you really want to practice ‘Tantric sex’ it’s important to understand what they are.
A great deal of fiction nowadays surrounds Tantric sex. The problem is that Tantra was not founded by any single person and has never had any sort of ruling body to define its beliefs, so its teachings have varied from century to century, place to place, and guru to guru. Quite frankly, there are lots of self-proclaimed Tantric gurus out there writing books and running courses that have little or nothing to do with the real thing. If you go on such a course you may have a great time and learn new things. That’s fine. But authentic Tantric sex is a lot more than staring into eyes and lighting incense.
What makes Tantric sex different is not its range of physical sexual techniques (potent though they are) but its range of psychological techniques and the intention behind the sex. The prolonged state of excitement which Tantric sex is capable of creating is only a beginning. It’s aim is the attainment of a quite extraordinary state of mind known as ananda or bliss.
With all the obsession about princes and princesses or duchesses or whatever I thought I’d blog about something far more interesting – gods and goddesses. In Tantric sex every woman is a goddess and every man is a god. Why? Well, traditionally, there were several reasons. The first one stems from the idea that the universe was created by Brahman. Since there was nothing else but Brahman then, logically, Brahman must have created the universe out of Himself. In other words, the universe and everything in it is Brahman. You are Brahman. Your partner is Brahman.
Another strand of thought is that Brahman was lonely and so split into two, creating a goddess and a god (known as Shakti and Shiva in the Hindu tradition). It’s their lovemaking that created and sustains the visible universe. Again, logic dictates that every woman must be Shakti and every man Shiva. The end of lovemaking means the end of the universe so, please, don’t stop.
Yet another idea is that women become inhabited by goddesses or yogini during ceremonial Tantric sex. Probably men were startled by the way women become ‘possessed’ during orgasm and so concluded that something magical was going on. They believed they were, in effect, having sex with the yogini who temporarily took over the women’s bodies.
Whatever you make of all that, there’s no denying that sex becomes something very special when you treat your partner as a god or goddess. Exactly how that’s done in Tantric sex is something I’ll explain in another blog. Meanwhile I suggest you treat your partner as divine at all times, not just during sex. That will be tremendous for your entire relationship