Tag: Great Sex

Sex As Good As It Gets

Going up on the chairlift the other day (I’m in the French Alps at the moment) I was sitting next to a guy who asked me what I did for a living.

‘Writer,’ I said.

‘And what do you write?’

‘Sex manuals,’ I said. I could have mentioned other books but I always enjoy the effect sex manuals have.

He rubbed his chin. ‘How can anybody be sure,’ he asked, ‘if they’re good in bed?’ He seriously wanted to know. ‘I mean, how can I know if the pleasure I’m giving my partner is the best? How can I know if what I’m feeling is as good as it gets?’

Good questions.

It’s a bit like trying to find out if the colour I see and call green is the same as the colour you see and call green.

On a scale of one to ten the guy might say his last sexual experience was a nine, but how do I know if his ten is the same as my ten? What Jill thinks of as the ultimate in sexual pleasure may have only half the intensity of what Jane feels on a good day.

It’s common for sex writers and therapists to say you shouldn’t be concerned with performance and targets and numbers, but I don’t agree. I’m currently struggling to improve my snowboard technique. That in no way detracts from my pleasure. On the contrary. No one, I’m sure, would seriously suggest it would be okay to remain forever at the level I attained at the end of my first week. So why is it wrong to want to give your partner the maximum possible sexual pleasure and to receive the same? Why is it wrong to want to discover how far you can go?

I thought I’d discovered the secret of the universe when I was 18. How could anybody else have sex this good? Now those early experiences seem totally inept. What then seemed to be a ten now looks like a one.

I can’t define ten in sex and I can’t know I’ve ever reached ten but I’d say it can’t be anything like ten unless:

  • Sex goes on for a good while (say, an hour), because the human body just can’t reach its maximum response during a quickie.
  • The afterglow lasts a good while (say, four hours at least).
  • There’s a sense not only of physical satisfaction, but also of emotional, spiritual and intellectual satisfaction as well.

I’m not saying that’s everything, but it’s a good start. The guy on the lift promised to buy either Have Great Sex or Get Intimate With Tantric Sex and let me know if it changed his perspective. If you have any thoughts on what constitutes the greatest sex, or the rights or wrongs of aiming for a great ‘performance’, share them with us by clicking on the word ‘comment’ at the top of this blog. And, Ian, I’ll be expecting to hear from you.


Make Your Own (Tantric) Sex Film

Heard Victoria Coren on the radio the other day. The daughter of the late humorist Alan Coren, her two claims to fame are that she’s a top poker player (about which she wrote a book called For Richer, For Poorer) and, secondly, that she and Charlie Skelton once tried to make a porn film (about which she wrote a book, together with Charlie, called Once More With Feeling). So I ordered a copy of Once More With Feeling via Amazon, it arrived very quickly, and I’ve just finished reading it.

It’s quite funny but I was more interested in the serious bits, such as the interviews with American porn people and the practical problems of actually making a porn film. Most fascinating of all was the realisation that what Victoria and Charlie thought was arousing was, generally, quite different to what I think is arousing.

That set me thinking about making my own porn film. Not something for public consumption but just for my partner and I. Well, more for me, probably, but starring the two of us. Nowadays, with these little digital video cameras it’s so easy.

One scenario I quite like is setting off for a lake not far away. It’s hot. We exchange meaningful glances. We strip naked and swim to the far side which is fairly inaccessible. There we exchange more meaningful glances. We find a secluded spot among the trees on a little rise overlooking the lake and there we have Tantric Sex. (Tantric Sex is really wonderful out of doors in a beautiful place, day or night.)

By the way, if you’re not sure how to go about things when you haven’t got a comfortable bed or sofa you’ll find some great out-of-doors positions in my books Get Intimate With Tantric Sex and  Have Great Sex (both published by Teach Yourself).

I’ll let you know how the filming progresses. Meanwhile, maybe you’d like to share your own scenarios with us by using the Comments box or sending me an email. Let us know what would turn you on. Just a brief outline. Maximum 60 words, please. You can be anonymous, if you wish, but I’ll be giving a free copy of my book Kama Sutra to the scriptwriter whom I consider the best – and who was bold enough to supply a name and email/snail mail address.