On the Today programme last week, Sarah Montague was asking what parents should say when children see images of women ‘not wearing many clothes’. This issue of the sexualisation of children has been in the media quite a bit recently. We don’t yet know what impact online pornography will have on the adult sexuality of today’s youngsters, but we do know the impact of negative attitudes to the body and sex. That’s what I want to talk about in this blog.
Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about the body or there’s not. Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about a penis or a vulva or there’s not. Either there’s something ‘wrong’ about sex or there’s not. If there’s not, why do so many parents convey disapproval to their children? This is real damage and it takes years to undo. Some adults never ever manage to throw off their inhibitions.
The million dollar question for older men is: How can I keep on doing it as often as I used to? One million dollars, it is said, was the price some men were willing to pay Indian gurus in exchange for being taught the acupressure point that could cut off ejaculation. In theory, even an older man could then have sex again and again every day. Well, I’m very happy to teach you that for free. But I’d also suggest you don’t use the ‘million dollar point’ because, in my opinion, it’s risky. It can be painful, it can cause retrograde emission into the bladder and it might cause some damage. It’s also unnecessary. There are better ways of being able to have frequent sex.
But first of all, where is the million dollar point? In acupressure it’s known as Inner Meeting or Conception Vessel 1 or CV1 for short. In both men and women it’s located on the perineum, a little closer to the anus than to the genitals.
A man will know he’s on CV1 because there’s a sort of hollow there. If you press strongly inwards on CV1 with a forefinger at the start of ejaculation you’ll feel the semen pulsing along and if you press hard enough you can actually stop the flow. But, I repeat, it’s not something I recommend. I’ve tried it (that’s my job) but I don’t practise it. In my next blog I’ll tell you what I do do.
My little erection problem the other day (see Women On Top in the Writer’s Life section) has made me reflect on the importance of keeping in good shape for sex. It’s a sad thing, in a way, that how much you enjoy sex depends not on what your partner does to you but on what you’ve been doing to yourself.
If you’ve not looked after yourself then you’re going to find it difficult to reach the outer limits of ecstasy. Just as Daniel Barenboim can’t play a Beethoven sonata on a piano that’s out of tune, so your partner won’t be able to ‘play you’ if you don’t keep your body tuned up.
Fortunately, there are always things you can do to give your body a better chance. Exercise is one of them. In a Gallup survey 45% of respondents said their sex lives improved when they began exercising.
That’s hardly surprising. The tiny blood vessels in your genitals are easily blocked by fatty deposits. Exercise is one way of helping to keep the blood flowing strongly. Another is to keep down the level of saturated fats in your meals. Men should also keep in mind that a paunch is a kind of anti-sex factory, causing a rise in oestrogen, the ‘female’ hormone, and a fall in testosterone, the ‘male’ hormone.
As little as 20-minutes of vigorous exercise three times a week could be all it takes to make the difference between so-so-sex and super-sex.