Most people who write about ‘sex for beginners‘ or who teach sex education classes start out by trying to put youngsters off sex. I’m different. I believe great sex is the greatest thing on the planet and I want everyone to be able to enjoy it without inhibition or guilt. Don’t let anybody tell you that sex is a sin or something to be ashamed of. Great sex is beautiful. When you have great sex with another person, and assuming you’re both skilful enough, you’ll help one another experience a state of supreme ecstasy. Nothing else on the planet – and I’ve tried a lot of things – compares with it.
My little erection problem the other day (see Women On Top in the Writer’s Life section) has made me reflect on the importance of keeping in good shape for sex. It’s a sad thing, in a way, that how much you enjoy sex depends not on what your partner does to you but on what you’ve been doing to yourself.
If you’ve not looked after yourself then you’re going to find it difficult to reach the outer limits of ecstasy. Just as Daniel Barenboim can’t play a Beethoven sonata on a piano that’s out of tune, so your partner won’t be able to ‘play you’ if you don’t keep your body tuned up.
Fortunately, there are always things you can do to give your body a better chance. Exercise is one of them. In a Gallup survey 45% of respondents said their sex lives improved when they began exercising.
That’s hardly surprising. The tiny blood vessels in your genitals are easily blocked by fatty deposits. Exercise is one way of helping to keep the blood flowing strongly. Another is to keep down the level of saturated fats in your meals. Men should also keep in mind that a paunch is a kind of anti-sex factory, causing a rise in oestrogen, the ‘female’ hormone, and a fall in testosterone, the ‘male’ hormone.
As little as 20-minutes of vigorous exercise three times a week could be all it takes to make the difference between so-so-sex and super-sex.
Breaking taboos was a vital part of traditional Tantric sex. Scholars argue about which were the specific taboos, but the principle counts more than the detail. The idea was that Tantrikas needed to open their minds, and sweep away their prejudices, in order to be able to comprehend the reality of the universe and experience the state of ecstasy in which rasa-juice floods the body. Nowadays we have scientific evidence of what an extraordinary place the universe is, but a couple of millennia ago the Tantric stages were still able to come up with some startling insights. They had already developed the Big Bang theory, for example, and perceived that everything in the universe was composed of vibrations.
More than ever we need to have open minds to cope with the pace of technology, the latest discoveries about the nature of the universe…and the same old personal barriers that have always existed to hold us back.
For example, do you have a taboo about admitting to masturbation? About admitting to fantasies of people other than your partner? Erotica? Being naked at a nudist beach? Oral sex? Anal sex?
In Tantric sex your body is simply a tool to help your mind reach the highest level of ecstasy, known as samadhi, and by various other names. So examine your taboos, especially taboos to do with sex, and if there’s a sound basis for them then stick with them. Of course. But if there’s no basis for them, then liberate yourself, and set yourself on the path to samadhi.