From Mr S, Cardiff.
I read your book Have Great Sex a couple of weeks ago and found quite a lot of new ideas. But the thing that really blew my mind was the section on anal sex.
It’s not as if I’d never heard of anal sex. I’d just never dared try it before. Mostly my partner likes sex face up but from time to time we’d do doggy and every time I’d be seeing that cute little arsehole of hers. I like to put my hands on her buttocks and gently spread them apart so I get a better view. I have to tell you it really is lovely. Perfect. It makes me so excited. Everything about her arse and between her legs is a delight.
Following your advice I bought some lubricant. I got KY jelly and, as you suggested, diluted some with water in a little bottle and left the rest in the tube. Then while we were having sex in doggy – or, as you call it, cuddly bears – I put a little neat KY on my finger and carefully massaged her arsehole. I didn’t know what her reaction would be but she didn’t ask me to stop so I continued. After a bit I added some more KY and actually pushed my finger in a little way. She still didn’t say anything so I withdrew my finger, added still more KY, then slid my finger all the way in.
It was a beautiful sensation. It all felt so warm and smooth and tight and when I imagined my penis being in there rather than my finger my head was reeling. And here’s a funny thing. I felt excitement in my own arsehole. We haven’t both got a penis and we haven’t both got a vagina but we’ve both got an arsehole. And as I played with hers so I also thought about somebody playing with mine. She couldn’t – not in this position, anyway – so I fantasized that one of her friends was behind me, sliding a finger into me.
As you can imagine, I was getting pretty excited, but I didn’t know what to do next. So I asked her, ‘Is that nice?’ She gave a little groan, which I took to be a little groan of pleasure rather than pain, and spread her legs a little wider. Encouraged, I said, ‘I’d really like to try fucking you in the arse.’ There was a little pause and then she said, ‘You can try.’
I now withdrew from her pussy (which, by the way is wonderful), took the container of diluted KY, spread some on my penis and trickled a bit more into the crack at the top of her buttocks. Then, taking my penis in my hand, I held the tip against her arsehole and pushed. There was a bit of resistance then a movement and I felt myself in somewhere warm and moist and lovely. But looking down I saw that I had skidded into her vagina and wasn’t in her arsehole at all. Well, of course, I didn’t know how an arsehole is supposed to feel.
I tried again but still there was resistance and I was suddenly overcome with self-doubt. My face flushed and my penis began to go down. It was quite alarming. Here I was, able to do something I’d been dreaming of, something incredibly erotic, and I was making a mess of it. I reminded myself that this used to be illegal and that people had been imprisoned for it. Or worse. That in itself was an exciting thought but my penis failed to respond and without a stiff erection I knew it would be impossible to get in.
Then I heard my partner say, ‘Fuck me in the arse.’ The words were thrilling. ‘Fuck me in the arse,’ she repeated. ‘I want it up the arse.’ Immediately I felt my penis give a little jerk. ‘I just love it up the arse,’ she went on. ‘Lube me and use me.’
At that I was completely overcome with desire for her and for her arsehole. Any time she wants to arouse me she only has to say words like that. I trickled a little more lubricant onto my penis and felt the blood returning. But it still wasn’t hard enough for that tight little hole.
‘Tell me again,’ I said. ‘Tell me how much you love it.’
Her voice sounded quite fierce now. ‘I’m really dirty and I love dirty things,’ she said. ‘I love it up the arse. Do it now.’
Saying that she turned her face sideways on the pillow, reached behind with both hands and spread her own buttocks. That caused her gorgeous little hole to open a little. At the sight of it my penis went as hard as an iron bar and, placing the head of it against the aperture, I gave a gentle push and was inside.
Immediately, I gasped at the sensation. Firstly there was the realisation that I actually was fucking her in her arsehole. Then there was the sensation of tightness, smoothness, warmth and, thanks to the lubricant, slipperiness. It was so overwhelming that I almost came right at that moment. I didn’t dare move for a few seconds, but that was okay because she needed time to get used to it, too.
Then I began moving very gently. It was utter bliss. Paradise couldn’t be any better. Looking down I could see my penis moving backwards and forwards and her arsehole gripping it all the way round. Just seeing it was so exciting that I nearly came a second time and had to close my eyes. It was as if my penis was going right up the middle of her. Right up something that, I knew, passed through her abdomen. A tube that went from her mouth to her arse. It was so intimate and, somehow, so fundamental. I felt something quite mystical. This, I thought to myself, is as good as it gets.
It was difficult to know what she was feeling. I asked if she’d like me to wank her at the same time. She said no, but after a few moments I felt her move her hand so she could rub her clit. It’s a gorgeous little thing, by the way. She has these darling little lips, one slightly longer than the other, coming together at what I call her ‘knob’. And then, if you retract the hood a bit, you see this tiny, tiny red organ, smaller than a lentil and yet so incredibly powerful.
So she was rubbing herself and I was fucking her arsehole and the only thing I could think of that could make it even better would be if someone was playing with my arsehole. So I reached around and pushed my own finger up inside myself – it was already dripping with lubricant. The effect of it all together was amazing. I was just swimming in dopamine.
Her hand was moving faster and faster now and she was making whimpering noises. I love it when she makes a noise. The louder the better. So I could tell she was going to come at any moment and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to slide out because it was so gorgeous in there. On the other hand, I didn’t know how she’d feel about me ejaculating inside her arse. Anyway, it was too late to make a decision because suddenly she was coming and I could feel it right through the wall of her anal canal and rectum. I sort of clung to her like a drowning man in a storm, doing my best not to come, too. Wave after wave of sensation tantalized my penis but I managed to hold off and then things were calm again. Slowly I withdrew and waited for her to say something.
‘Go and wash,’ she said. ‘Then come back and fuck me in the cunt.’
Which I did. And it seemed to me she had the biggest orgasm of her life. Her eyes rolled up and her entire body shook. And I’m sure that was down to the anal stimulation. It just magnified everything. And it was the same for me. The semen just kept pumping and pumping and pumping.
Can I suggest that in the next edition of your book you advise women to talk dirty when anal sex is being attempted. And to make a lot of encouraging noises. It can make all the difference and, apart from that, it’s incredibly thrilling.