Category: Sex

The Biggest Sex Mistakes

Girls, what would you say is the biggest thing men get wrong when they make love to you? Guys, what would you say is the biggest thing girls get wrong?

After quite a lot of research I’ve come up with 60 Wrong Ways To Have Sex (which will be available as an e-book in the ‘Shop’ very soon). I’d say the biggest mistake both sexes make is failing to communicate openly. Almost everything else stems from that. Most people find it very difficult to say what they want in bed. And just as hard to find a way of saying what they don’t want.

It’s rather silly in a way. You don’t want to say anything in case your partner gets upset or thinks less of you. Meanwhile your partner is thinking exactly the same thing: ‘I can’t say that – it will make me seem completely weird.’ The result is an impasse. Nobody says anything.

That’s probably why sexy board games and erotic dice are so popular – it’s ‘fate’ that tells you what to do.

The great thing about e-books, of course, is that it’s very easy to update them. So what I’d like you to do is send me your selection of biggest mistakes – either ones that you’ve made, or your partners have made, or both.

If I haven’t already got them in my 60 (and assuming they’re suitable for publication) I’ll add them to my book. I’ll credit you in the book or, if you prefer, you can be anonymous.

Naturally, I’ve also added how to do it right.

Erotic Story Competition

Fancy yourself as a writer of true life erotic stories? Then here’s your chance. I’m inviting readers of any of my sex books to describe how it helped them. I’ve written six so far – Kama Sutra, Secrets Of The Kama Sutra, Great Sex, Get Intimate With Tantric Sex, Have Mind-Blowing Sex, Amazing Sex The Tantric Way. So you should have plenty of ideas to choose from. I’m not looking for a ‘thank you’. I’m not looking for an endorsement. I’m looking for a genuine piece of erotica.

  • ·         You can write up to 2,000 words, or as little as 100 words.
  • ·         It must be a true life account, not something you’ve made up.
  • ·         It must be based on a technique or techniques that you’ve read in one of my books.
  • ·         When you’re done, email it to me ([email protected]).
  • ·         I’ll post all the suitable stories on the website (say if you want it published in your real name or under a pen name).
  • ·         The writer of the most erotic story each month will win a signed copy of whichever of my books they choose.
  • ·         Erotic means (according to my dictionary) ‘arousing sexual desire or giving sexual pleasure’.
  • ·         To make it fair to both sexes the judging will be done by myself and my partner (also a writer).

I’ve already posted some real life accounts. Click on Readers’ Stories to see them.


Sex Outdoors Is Over

It looks like sex out of doors is over for another year. A pity because there’s something very special about it.

It’s seldom as comfortable as sex in bed. It’s seldom as long as sex in bed. But to make love on a deserted beach, the water lapping gently on the shore, the sun and wind playing on your skin, knowing that you’re doing something rather daring, all makes for a heady session.

Not that sex in the snow is impossible. And it certainly sets up a very unusual tingle.

 And where can you find a hot, deserted beach? Now that’s something I’m not prepared to divulge.

Rape Is About Sex

My partner came home with another Red magazine which I immediately pounced on. I was amazed to see an article on rape that repeated the same old mistake: ‘Rape has nothing to do with sex’. The article (The Rape Crisis by Ruth Elkins, Red, August 2011) then quoted Kay Davies, a counsellor and national training coordinator with the charity Rape Crisis, as saying: ‘Rape is about overpowering someone, controlling them.’

This position seems to have originated with the feminist writer Susan Brownmiller in her 1975 book Against Our Will. The problem with it is that by being both widely believed and completely wrong it makes it all the harder to reduce the incidence of rape and for women to protect themselves from it.

There’s a mass of evidence I could cite but a little common sense will hopefully suffice. A man is attracted to a woman and invites her on a date. She accepts. At some point (maybe on the first date, maybe a later one) there’s kissing and fondling. Then a hand goes up the skirt. At this point does the man wish to have sex with the woman? What’s your answer? I think most people would say ‘yes, he does’. But the woman doesn’t wish to have sex. She tells him to take his hand away. Ignoring her wishes, he now uses his strength to overcome her and rapes her.

According to the ‘rape has nothing to do with sex’ theory, the man’s sexual desire must miraculously have vanished at the moment his date refused sex. How likely is that?

I understand why many women are attracted to the argument that men use rape entirely as a way of oppressing women. But it’s wrong. I suspect the reason large numbers of women who are not particularly feminists don’t see that it’s wrong is that women just don’t comprehend how sexually driven men, and especially young men, are.

Here I’d like to quote the academic Camille Paglia:

‘These girls say, “Well, I should be able to get drunk at a fraternity party and go upstairs to a guy’s room without anything happening.” And I say, “Oh, really? And when you drive your car to New York City, do you leave your keys on the hood?” My point is that if your car is stolen after you do something like that, yes, the police should pursue the thief and he should be punished. But at the same time, the police – and I – have the right to say to you, “You stupid idiot, what the hell were you thinking?”‘