Welcome to my website. I hope you’ll find plenty here to help you get the most out of your life. I’m the author of more than 30 books including How To Be Happier, Have Great Sex, Transform Your Life With NLP, Get Intimate With Tantric Sex, Help Yourself To Live Longer and the ebook Secrets Of The Kama Sutra.
I’ve just had an e-mail from a young guy asking my opinion on the conflict between spirituality and the pleasures of the flesh. Well, in my opinion, there is no conflict. That’s why I like certain aspects of Tantra. Tantrikas don’t see any conflict, either. On the contrary, Tantric sex is a way of using sexual energy precisely for spiritual ends.
The supposed conflict between the flesh and the spirit was the theme of just about everything written by Nikos Kazantzakis. For that reason I shouldn’t really like his books. But I do. In examining one side of the argument he was also compelled to examine the other and, in Zorba The Greek he created a man who relished everything that life on Earth has to offer.
That’s why I love that character. If you want to be happy you have to stop beating yourself up for being a human being. Enjoy yourself. And if you’re not sure how, read Zorba The Greek as a start. And then, maybe, How To Be Happier.
If you agree or disagree let’s hear from you – just click on ‘comment’.
I’ve had an email from someone who has a problem with public speaking. Over the years she’s become more and more terrified until she’s reached the point where she just can’t do it any more. Normally I would suggest NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) or hypnosis or self-hypnosis. But this woman has tried those things and just about everything else that’s going.
A standard NLP method is to visualize a scene in which you succeed in doing what you’re afraid of. The problem with that approach is that when you’re really terrified of something it can completely hijack your visualization. In other words, you can’t even imagine yourself succeeding. Each time you try you only ever see yourself failing. As a result, your fear increases.
Fancy yourself as a writer of true life erotic stories? Then here’s your chance. I’m inviting readers of any of my sex books to describe how it helped them. I’ve written six so far – Kama Sutra, Secrets Of The Kama Sutra, Great Sex, Get Intimate With Tantric Sex, Have Mind-Blowing Sex, Amazing Sex The Tantric Way. So you should have plenty of ideas to choose from. I’m not looking for a ‘thank you’. I’m not looking for an endorsement. I’m looking for a genuine piece of erotica.
·You can write up to 2,000 words, or as little as 100 words.
·It must be a true life account, not something you’ve made up.
·It must be based on a technique or techniques that you’ve read in one of my books.
As a result of some valuable new techniques I learned recently I’ve begun work on a follow-up to How To Be Happier. But I’d also appreciate some input from you. Do you deliberately use particular techniques to make yourself happier and, if so, what are they? Do you favour the idea that true happiness comes from inside? Or from outside? Or do you just let whatever happens happen? I’d love to hear from you. In fact, I’m sure we’d all like to hear from you if you’ve got some techniques that have worked for you. Please click on the word ‘comment’ below and share your thoughts in the box.
My ebook Secrets Of The Kama Sutra now has an online gallery of positions, mostly using photographs of couples or women alone. This is a huge improvement because some of the authentic positions are quite difficult to describe in words. Seeing the photographs makes everything clear.
And unlike a printed book, the gallery will be expanded constantly. What I’m doing is inviting couples to photograph themselves and then email the photos for uploading. It’s not necessary to be naked unless you want to be. In fact, back when the Kama Sutra was compiled it was quite normal to dress up for sex rather than undress. It’s all up to you.
Initially, I want to get several illustrations of each of the authentic 21 positions. Once that’s done, I’ll be inviting readers to come up with their own positions, inspired by the Kama Sutra.
If you want to take part it will be great fun. You can cover yourselves with body jewellery or flowers, you can put on Indian-style clothing, you can wear Western-style lingerie, or you can be naked. Your faces can be averted if you want. You can be anonymous, or credited in the caption. It would also be nice to create a Kama Sutra ambience with drapes and other accessories but it’s not essential. It’s all up to you. The important thing is that the positions must be correct.
This is a serious project and if you’d like to give it a go just click here to read more.
Like many things, pornography can be both good and bad. I think it has a particular role to play for older men. If you’d like to know why click on Pornography And The Older Man in the Sex For Boomers section.
That picture of Helen Mirren in a bikini has been in the papers again. I’m not going to say she looks terrific for her age (63 then, 66 now). She looks terrific for any age. I interviewed Helen as a trainee journalist. I was 18 and had only been on the paper a few weeks when I was told, ‘Jenner, go and interview Helen Mirren for the showbiz page.’ I hadn’t the slightest idea who she was. In fact, I assumed she was in one of the amateur theatrical societies in Southend. So I arrived at her mother’s house and was greeted by a young woman in a leather skirt and leather waistcoat. It soon became apparent that I was embarrassingly uninformed and out of my depth. A few minutes later the photographer arrived. He nudged me in the ribs. ‘Look at the tits on that!’ he said out of the corner of his mouth. ‘My God, just look at the tits on that!’ He fired off shot after shot and a few, I’m sure, were for his personal collection. I decided I must ask her out. When would I ever encounter such a vision again? Then reality set in. ‘I’m just a pathetic junior journalist,’ I told myself, ‘and I’d have to save up for a month just to take her to dinner. And, anyway, this is a woman who has been in a film with James Mason and shown her breasts.’ At that point I was still to have fondled a breast, yet alone done anything more sophisticated. What would have happened if I had plucked up the courage? Who knows (but I can guess)?
There are two morals. The first is that you’re more likely to regret the things you don’t do than the things you do do. The second is that you can be very sexually desirable in your sixties, if you look after yourself. If you’d like to see Helen on youtube click on www.youtube.com/watch?v=hng_fKWW3wk
I see that Sunday Times columnist India Knight is advising Demi Moore (and anyone else of a like mind, presumably) to cut back on the exercise and use the time ‘pottering about in tracksuit bottoms’. The reason for the advice is that Demi (48) has, apparently, broken up with her somewhat younger partner Ashton Kutcher (33). As India sees it, Demi can now breathe a sigh of relief and let herself go.
I’m constantly baffled that so many people view exercise as a kind of torture. There are quite a lot of people (and I’m one) who actually enjoy exercise. Nor do I comprehend this idea that letting yourself go is somehow the path to happiness. In fact, the precise opposite is the case. Exercise boosts the body’s ‘happiness chemicals‘. It also boosts sex drive and helps maintain capability. According to a survey released this week, almost half of men in England are dissatisfied with their sex lives. If they and their partners (those that have them) were to exercise a little more, they’d find it did wonders for their sex lives and their relationships. Not many men realise that a paunch is actually a kind of anti-sex factory, converting the ‘male’ hormone testosterone into the ‘female’ hormone oestrogen. I give full details of all this in my book Have Great Sex, but the main things to keep in mind are that you need to exercise vigorously for at least 20 minutes three times a week, and that you need to keep your Body Mass Index (BMI) under 24.
Oh, and in my opinion tracksuit bottoms are about the most sexless garment ever invented. What garment is the biggest turn-off for you? Share your thoughts by clicking on Comments.
I’ve just come back from my first ever surfing holiday. It was an awesome experience. It also set me thinking about the different attitude most of us have to sex compared with just about any other activity. (Have you noticed how many sensual things begin with an ‘S’? Sex, obviously, but also sunbathing, sand, sea, sailing, surfing, snowboarding, skiing… )
For surfing I had a lesson, bought a book, bought a DVD, discussed equipment with the owner of the surf shop, chatted with experienced surfers, watched experienced surfers, and practised the key moves (like the ‘pop up’) again and again on dry land before trying the real thing. And I surfed every day except one when there was a storm. I didn’t wait until I felt desperate. I just did it.
That’s normal for a hobby so why isn’t it normal for sex? Why can’t we be just as open about this thing that just about everybody does? Why do so many wait until they’re ‘gagging for it’ to have sex? Why is it considered a bit kinky to buy sex books, watch sex films, buy sex toys, or discuss techniques with other people?
I think we should all treat sex more like a hobby. I’ll be continuing to practise the pop up even when there’s no surf. And I’ll be continuing to learn about and practise sex techniques, too.
If you’d like to discuss sex techniques with me and with readers of my blogs just say what you’re thinking in the Comments box. Go ahead. Why not! (You don’t have to give your name.)
My friend Guy James the singer/songwriter has been writing about his experience of holotropic breathwork. I haven’t tried it myself but given Guy’s very genuine enthusiasm I’m giving the link to his online article. Click on http://www.grof-holotropic-breathwork.net/group/gbd2011english and you’ll find it about half way down the online page. It’s very interesting in all sorts of ways and if you’re in pursuit of happiness it’s something you might like to consider. As I say, I haven’t tried it myself and I certainly don’t accept some of the claims made about it but it helps some people and it might help you. And if you’d like to hear Guy’s music it’s on: www.guyjames.com
I love this week’s news about the Frenchman ordered by a judge to pay his ex-wife10,000 euros (about £8,500) for not having had enough sex with her during 21 years of marriage. The judge reasoned that by getting married ‘couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other’. And I always thought getting married in France implied having sex with someone else. What will be next? Fines for poor technique? A compulsory bonking test and a licence? Speed cameras to monitor how long you spend over it? Of course I agree about the importance of sex in a relationship but I’m sure financial compensation is not the answer. And I wonder if any judge would dare to fine a woman if the roles were reversed.
Now that I’ve published Secrets Of The Kama Sutra as an ebook I’ve had a few emails from people confused about the Kama Sutra and Tantric Sex. Even some professional sex writers are confused. So let’s be clear. The Kama Sutra is not about Tantric Sex.
Here’s the difference:
· In the Kama Sutra, sex is for pleasure.
· In Tantra, sex is for spiritual experience.
This is a big difference. So why the confusion? A little of the history of Tantric sex will make everything clearer. Back in the early days, some Tantrikas (it’s important to stress ‘some’) used the energy generated in sexualised group rituals to gain siddhis (magical powers) and enlightenment. Well, that’s what they hoped. Every woman who took part became a goddess for the duration of the ceremony and every man became a god. So it wasn’t important who you had sex with. It was the spiritual experience that was important.