Live Longer

Researchers at Sweden’s Karolinska Institute have just completed a project in which they followed 1,810 men and women aged 75 for up to 18 years. They found that exercise such as swimming, walking and gymnastics could extend life by two years, that maintaining a rich social life added 18 months, and that giving up smoking, even in middle age, made a significant difference. Add it all together and it’s six more years on planet Earth. I’m not surprised. I revealed all this in my book Help Yourself To Live Longer. In fact, I described a combination of ways in which an average person could add 10 years.

How Not To Be Unhappy

There are plenty of books giving advice on how to be happy. I’ve written one myself (Teach Yourself How To Be Happier).  But there’s a tendency to ignore the corollary, how not to be unhappy. I’ve been reflecting on the importance of this following a big fire near my home in Spain.

How did that fire start? The authorities are sure it was a cigarette end, tossed from a car window. That simple, thoughtless act destroyed something like 13,000 hectares of forest along with wildlife, farm animals and homes. Some people were seriously burned. In another nearby fire on the same day two people died as they tried to escape down a cliff that proved too steep. That second fire was started in the same way by a discarded cigar butt.

I don’t know if the people responsible are aware of what they’ve done. If so, they must be feeling terrible. But it’s certain their actions have caused a lot of misery to others.

Those cigarette and cigar ends are symbols. So much of life is like this. People literally hurl tobacco into their own lives and set them on fire. It’s a fact that around half of smokers will lose two decades of the lives they would have had. And yet there’s no evidence at all that smokers are happier than non-smokers. Smoking is a huge risk with no upside.

Alcohol is similar. There’s zero evidence that drinkers are happier than teetotalers. Okay, a small quantity can make you feel good for a short while, but serious drinking is a threat to long-term physical and mental health.

What about driving too fast? What about the quick, unprotected bonk with someone you hardly know? What about getting sunburned on holiday then going out the next day and getting even more burned? What about fooling around with drugs?

These are all examples of happiness being sacrificed for a transitory thrill, or less. If you want to be happy, don’t make yourself unhappy. Think through the consequences of your actions.

50 Shades

Given the huge interest in 50 Shades Of Grey I’ve decided to write my own guide to a little light BDSM. I’m intending to call it 50 Shades Of Titillation. There won’t be anything in it that’s either painful or humiliating but I guarantee it will provide you with plenty more ideas than you could ever learn from the novel. If it doesn’t have you setting the alarm an hour early or rushing home from work then nothing will. Books take a fair time to write, edit and publish, even online, so what I’m going to do is put draft chunks on my website as I go along. When the book is completely finished I’ll be making it available as an ebook. If you can’t wait, keep an eye out by clicking on the handcuffs on the left-hand side of this page – the first chunk will be posted shortly. (Keep in mind that these will just be rough drafts.)

Eat, Fast And Live Longer

Dr Michael Mosley presented another BBC Horizon on Monday night (Eat, Fast And Live Longer), this time demonstrating the health benefits of calorie restriction (CR). It works a bit like wealth. When you have money you don’t darn socks, you just buy new ones. When times are hard you darn socks. Fasting forces the body to switch from cell replacement mode to cell repair mode and, by doing so, protects against some of the big modern killers such as heart disease and certain cancers. It also lowers the risk of diabetes.

There are various ways of tackling fasting. One is to follow a daily regime in which you eat 0.75 calories per hour for each kilo of your healthy target weight. So if your healthy target weight is 50 kg you should eat 50 x 0.75 x 24 calories a day. That comes to just 900 calories, which is incredibly harsh.

Dr Mosley’s preferred method is to eat normally five days a week but consume only 600 calories (500 for women) on two days. Also very tough.

In fact, this was the same Michael Mosley who recently made a Horizon programme advocating high-intensity training (HIT). Michael assured us he was so impressed by the health benefits of HIT that he would be continuing HIT for ever. Well, that didn’t last long. And I don’t think his fasting will, either.

I am a vegan and my calorie intake is already fairly low. I hesitate to go much lower. In any event, as I explained in my book Help Yourself To Live Longer, protein restriction may be more important than calorie restriction.

My personal view is that it wouldn’t be possible for me to lead the sort of life I enjoy while fasting. I like plenty of physical activity (which doesn’t entitle you to more calories under CR).

If you’d like to know other ways of increasing your chance of living a long and healthy life you can buy Help Yourself To Live Longer from Amazon and all the usual outlets.

Olympic Gold For Happiness

The Olympics have provided us with a fascinating lesson in happiness. We’ve seen athletes thrilled to win bronze medals and we’ve seen athletes devastated at winning ‘only’ silver.

The contrast between swimmer Rebecca Adlington and rowers Mark Hunter and Zac Purchase could not have been greater. Rebecca came third in the 800 metre freestyle and was clearly delighted.

By contrast Mark Hunter and Zac Purchase in the Lightweight Men’s Double Sculls were distraught at coming second. Spectators watched in amazement as the two men apologized for, as they saw it, letting everyone down. Even the BBC interviewer, confronted by the misery of the two men, was fighting to hold back tears.

Here’s what Zac Purchase had to say: ‘When you put everything in and you lose, there is no hiding place. We’ll spend days, weeks, months, the rest of our lives, trying to work out if we could have done more.’

This is a recipe for depression. There are nearly seven billion people on the planet and only one can take individual gold in any given event. Don’t bet your happiness against odds like that.

Starck Raving Sane

For quite a few years now, newspapers and magazines have been asking celebrities to describe either a perfect day/weekend or a typical day/weekend. I must have read hundreds of them and the curious thing is that sex is seldom mentioned. So I’m now a fan of the designer Philippe Starck who, in the Sunday Times ‘life in the day slot’, reveals that he has sex with his wife Jasmine first thing in the morning and again after his siesta.

Given the work schedule he describes I’m not sure how the 63 year-old Starck finds the time but it’s an admirable target. Actually, I already was a fan as I have a Philippe Starck tap and a Philippe Starck shower head.

Now I have two more reasons to feel well-inclined to Mr Starck. He thinks daily sex is ‘obligatory’ – he says it ‘keeps the creative machine in working order’. That’s one. The other is that he’s ‘bold’ enough to say so. Why are so many people afraid to admit they have sex?

It’s the same with Desert Island Discs. Asked if there’s anything they’d miss alone on a desert island, few castaways ever mention sex with another person. A notable exception recently was the songwriter and performer Tim Minchin who, as his luxury, asked if he could have a sex doll.

Personally, I’d hate to be on a desert island all alone. But if I could be marooned together with my partner Smithy I think I could manage pretty well.

What would be your perfect day or weekend? Click on ‘comments’ at the top of this feature and share your thoughts with us.

Stephen Covey And Self-Help

Stephen Covey, author of Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, has died at the age of 79. In his lifetime he is believed to have sold some 20 million books. And on the BBC’s Today programme this morning, businessmen Luke Johnson and Mark Constantine revealed that they both read and take inspiration from self-help books. Self-help books, it was pointed out, are an incredibly cheap source of both information and motivation. Quite right. So why not buy yourself a copy of, say, How To Be Happier or Have Great Sex or Get Intimate With Tantric Sex. Where else would you get so much pleasure for just a tenner?

Circumcision

Circumcision of babies and infants is in the spotlight once again following the decision of a German court to declare it illegal and the subsequent announcement by German Chancellor Angela Merkel that she wants the decision reversed.

The subject raises some very intriguing ethical arguments. The big one is: Do parents have the right to inflict permanent physical mutilation on children who are too young to make an informed decision for themselves?

Some of the subsequent arguments have, to my mind, been somewhat illogical. There are those, for example, who say the banning of a tradition that goes back thousands of years is an outrage. ‘Tradition’ is often brought up in arguments over all kinds of subjects but the people on the side of tradition only seem to want to apply it when it suits them. You never hear, for example, anyone saying they want to travel to work on a traditional donkey, or live in a traditional cave, or cook on a traditional open fire. Where I live, ‘tradition’ is often cited in defence of those whose hobby is shooting small birds. To me, tradition is not an argument.

Then there are those who condemn female genital mutilation but say that cutting off the male foreskin is quite different.

My particular interest is in the practical effects. Is there any difference in sexual pleasure (for women as well as men) between sex with a foreskin and sex without? There is some evidence to suggest that male circumcision makes the penis less sensitive. You can see why that might be so. Part of the role of the foreskin is to protect the glans, just as gloves protect your hands when you’re gardening. Make a habit of using a spade without gloves and you’ll soon develop tough, less sensitive, skin.

Those circumcised as babies or infants have no reference point. But if you were circumcised as an adult, for whatever reason, did you find that the loss of your foreskin made any difference? Was sex better or worse or the same? I’d like to hear from you. And, ladies, if you’ve had experience of both circumcised and uncircumcised men, did you notice any difference? Please click on the word ‘comments’ at the top of this blog and share your thoughts with us.

Happiness, Money And Drugs

The unfortunate death earlier this month of Eva Rausing, wife of Hans Kristian, the Tetra Pak heir said to be worth 5 billion, suggests that fabulous wealth doesn’t automatically translate into fabulous happiness. She was found dead at home after her husband was arrested on suspicion of possessing Class A drugs. The couple, who met in drug rehab 25 years ago, were said to be taking a cocktail which included morphine, heroin and cocaine. Apparently, Eva had told a friend: ‘If I stay with Hans I know I will die.’

Ever since I wrote How To Be Happier people have been telling me that I’ve been missing something. ‘Isn’t it true that you need money to be happy?’ they say. Well, it’s certainly true that being unable to pay the bills causes a lot of unhappiness. And it’s also true that a bit of money on top to buy at least some of life’s more expensive pleasures – an annual holiday, a decent car, a modern kitchen – can make you very cheerful. But beyond that, there’s really no evidence that more money equals more happiness.

Certainly, with a lot of money you can buy a lot of drugs – and a lot of misery. According to a report in the Mirror, Eva’s family went so far as to hire an eight man former SAS surveillance team to try to prevent her buying drugs. But even they couldn’t stop her.

The list of the rich and famous who died from drugs includes Olivia Channon, daughter of the then MP for Southend West, in 1986; John Hervey who died penniless aged 44 in 1999, despite having inherited around 40 million; Radio Rentals heiress Jayne Harries; John Paul Getty III (grandson of oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty) who rendered himself quadriplegic and nearly blind after taking valium, methadone and alcohol, but lingered 30 more years. And there are many more.

Drugs are a big mistake. Never ever imagine they can be the solution to a problem or a fast track to happiness. Money is not a fast track to happiness either. If you’d like to know what is, you can buy How To Be Happier on Amazon.

Drugs, Wealth And Misery

Ever since I wrote How To Be Happier people have been telling me that I’ve been missing something. ‘Isn’t it true that you need money to be happy?’ they say. Well, it’s certainly true that being unable to pay the bills causes a lot of unhappiness. And it’s also true that a bit of money on top to buy at least some of life’s more expensive pleasures – an annual holiday, a decent car, a modern kitchen – can make you very cheerful. But beyond that, there’s really no evidence that more money equals more happiness.

The unfortunate death earlier this month of Eva Rausing, wife of Hans Kristian, the Tetra Pak heir said to be worth 5 billion, certainly suggests that fabulous wealth doesn’t automatically translate into fabulous happiness. She was found dead at home after her husband was arrested on suspicion of possessing Class A drugs. The couple, who met in drug rehab 25 years ago, were said to be taking a cocktail which included morphine, heroin and cocaine. Apparently, Eva had told a friend: ‘If I stay with Hans I know I will die.’

Certainly, with a lot of money you can buy a lot of drugs and a lot of misery. According to a report in the Mirror, her family went so far as to hire an eight man former SAS surveillance team to try to prevent her buying drugs. But even they couldn’t stop her.

The list of the rich and famous who died from drugs includes Olivia Channon, daughter of the then MP for Southend West, in 1986; John Hervey who died penniless aged 44 in 1999, despite having inherited around 40 million; Radio Rentals heiress Jayne Harries; John Paul Getty III (grandson of oil tycoon Jean Paul Getty) who rendered himself quadriplegic and nearly blind after taking valium, methadone and alcohol, but lingered 30 more years. And there are many more.

Drugs are a big mistake. Never ever imagine they can be the solution to a problem or a fast track to happiness.

50 Shades Of Grey

British author Jilly Cooper has told the Daily Telegraph that ‘women don’t want to have sex any more.’ Doctors’ waiting rooms, she said, were ‘brimming these days with women suffering from low libidos’. Her explanation is that ‘we all have so many other demands on our time now’.

Well, is she right? I’ve been looking at sex surveys. A current internet sex survey asked people ‘Do you have a low sex marriage?’ A staggering 88 per cent (16,583 out of 18,691) said they did. Not very scientific but significant, all the same.

And a study by Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen of the University of Guelph, Ontario, Canada, found that women’s sexual desire in a relationship decreased every month – while men’s remained more constant.

But now there’s something that is apparently curing low libido in women quite effortlessly. It’s not a pill but an erotic novel by E L James called 50 Shades Of Grey which, with its two follow-ups, is said to have sold some 20 million copies worldwide. The book is being credited with causing a boom in bondage accessories as well as pregnancies. Women, it seems, need to be titillated – and men, nowadays, are not very good at it. The story involves the young and beautiful Anastasia Steele signing a contract with the handsome and extremely wealthy Christian Grey, giving him complete control of her life – and he’s a man into bondage and a little light sadomasochism.

Of course, we’ve been here many times before from The Story Of O to the film Nine And A Half Weeks. On the face of it, the book mines the well-known idea that women can’t fully enjoy their sexuality unless they are somehow absolved of guilt. But there is another ingredient in the book’s success that is less commented on. It’s not that Anastasia is forced to do what Christian wants. It’s that Christian does everything Anastasia wants without being asked. He understands. He knows. He washes her hair, he puts money in her bank account, he takes care of her. It’s this that seems to appeal to women so much.

To me, the book’s impact confirms that no one has a fixed sexual appetite. I’ve never subscribed to this idea of sexual incompatibility based on the notion that the man ‘needs’ sex, say, every other day, while the woman ‘needs’ sex only twice a week. If everyone had a fixed need then a book like this wouldn’t change anything.

You don’t have to wait until you ‘need’ sex. Given that it’s something highly pleasurable, why not do it as often as possible? Why wait for lust to become overwhelming?

Just think about it. Let’s take Janet. She’s 20. She’s not in a relationship. She masturbates once or twice a month. Then she falls for John. They start having sex. She moves in with him and they’re having sex every day. After a year they’re down to twice a week. They get married. They have a child. They’re down to once a week. After five years they’re hardly having sex at all. Then Janet reads, let’s say, 50 Shades Of Grey and wants sex every day. So what is Janet’s true ‘need’ for sex? Is it none, is it daily, or what?

If the sex has gone out of your relationship this book might be worth a try. But if your libidos are fine and you’re looking for ideas then you might like to read my books Have Great Sex and Get Intimate With Tantric Sex. They’ll certainly improve your technique and keep you entertained in bed for many years.

 

Alan Turing, Sex And The Law

This is the centenary of the birth of Alan Turing, the mathematical genius awarded the OBE in 1945 for the role he played in breaking German codes at Bletchley Park. But in 1952, everything changed for him. That was the year he was arrested for homosexuality. He lost his security clearance and, rather than go to prison, accepted ‘chemical castration’. Some two years later he was found dead from cyanide poisoning.

In 2009, the then prime minister Gordon Brown made an official public apology on behalf of the British government. Unfortunately, as someone else said, the only thing we learn from history is that we never learn anything from history. There is a type of person who becomes enraged by what other people do sexually in private. And, unfortunately, those seem to be the people who make the laws. People continue to be persecuted for things that have nothing whatsoever to do with governments.

The UK’s first sodomy law, ‘An Acte for the punysshement of the vice of Buggerie’, was passed in the reign of Henry VIII in 1533. The maximum penalty was hanging and confiscation of property – which conveniently allowed Henry to confiscate monastery lands.

Sodomy remained a capital offence until 1861 and the law against it wasn’t repealed until 1967. Around the world, about 70 countries still have laws against homosexuality. Places that have the death penalty for homosexual acts include Iran, Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Yemen, Mauritania, and Sudan, as well as parts of Nigeria and Somalia.

As recently as 1990, gay men in the UK were found guilty of assault and unlawful wounding after they had voluntarily taken part in sado-masochistic sex sessions, even though none of the men had needed medical treatment nor suffered permanent harm. Their appeal to the House of Lords was dismissed in 1993.

I don’t want to be thumped around during sex and I don’t suppose you do either, but what exactly has it got to do with the government? The government hasn’t intervened to stop people boxing, nor to prevent them taking part in extreme sporting events like the Iron Man, nor to prevent them having piercings. It’s something about sex that disturbs our legislators. I suggest they go to see a good psychotherapist.

If you’d like to say something on the subject, please click at the top of this article on the word ‘comments’.