In last weekend’s Sunday Times Style magazine I read that ‘a long-term relationship can be extraordinary, if you’re prepared to put in the work.’ The speaker was Andrew G Marshall, the author of How Can I Ever Trust You Again? I agreed with just about everything he said but this word ‘work’ bothers me. Are we talking about ‘work’ in the sense of ‘working’ on your snowboarding technique or are we talking about ‘work’ in the sense of ‘working’ at a dreary office job a laborious ninety-minute commute from home? It seems to me that if your relationship is really hard work then you’re in the wrong relationship.
Regular readers of my blogs will know that, as well as being rather enthusiastic about sex, I’m pretty keen on snowboarding. And I certainly do ‘work’ on my snowboarding technique. But that ‘work’ is a great pleasure. Similarly, ‘working’ on a relationship should also be a great pleasure.
The Style article was actually all about people who have affairs through websites. They don’t want to end their long-term relationships but they do want more exciting sex. Personally I don’t believe you can have great sex with somebody you don’t know very well. The Last Tango In Paris thing is a myth. Yes, there’s the frisson of the new. But that’s all. So I’d suggest you ‘work’ on your sex life together with your long-term partner. Only with someone you feel very close to can you genuinely take things as far as they can go. If you need ideas, take a look at my books Have Great Sex and Get Intimate With Tantric Sex.